So you can shake their hands...
And give them a hug...
Heaven knows they need it.
Princess Diana
July 01, 1961 - August 31, 1997
I found this quote on one of the advocacy blogs... And I'm glad I did. I actually never encountered it before. I never knew Princess Diana for such words.
I know it should be heartwarming... it probably is for most. But I had to read it a couple of times, trying to feel the "kilig". Alas, it did not come.
Sorry. I know it seems blasphemous of me to be saying this about something the late Princess Diana said. I mean, most of what she said is fine and perfect. I was just turned off by the last part... "Heaven knows they need it".
To me, it sounds like pity. And no, I don't need pity. I'm not a victim. Don't stigmatize against me. But don't patronize me.
No. Just because I have HIV, doesn't mean I need your hugs... at least not any more than any other human being would.
That's all I want. Don't treat me bad just because I have HIV. But don't treat me any special either. Treat me normal... because I am.
That being said, Diana is still an angel... I shall bow down before her in honor of her gift to the HIV cause... a Princess' touch.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Princess' Touch
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Yoga for Life Touched Lives
Around two months of preparation is finally over. Last weekend, we held Yoga for Life's first major major event for the International AIDS Candlelight Memorial. Most of what I did was in preparing print materials like banners, teasers, flyers, etc... my fault for getting my proposed design approved, and thus getting assigned to cascade it as well. Hehe. But it was fulfilling for a frustrated designer as myself. Oh, money matters too... till now, a week after the event, I have the tail end of the accounting to deal with. MS Excel mode, on! All in all, it was a fun event, with the support of the community taking most of the feeling of work out of it. A true group effort, making it feel, for me, like it was a huge success. :-)
On Sunday, May 15th, the Yoga for Life community came together to join the world in commemorating the 28th International AIDS Candlelight Memorial at the Glorietta 3 Park in Ayala Center, Makati City. Entitled “Yoga for Life: Touching Lives”, the afternoon gathered yoga enthusiasts and HIV/AIDS advocates alike in a candlelit sunset ceremony honoring the lives of people affected by HIV and AIDS.
The Yoga for Life community took the traditional candle lighting ceremony a step further by making an impact in the way it knows best—through yoga. Co-founders of the Filipino branch, Charmaine Cu-Unjieng and Paulo Leonido, were joined by the country’s top yoga instructors in leading the community through yoga poses, breathing techniques, and guided meditation, thus demonstrating how the discipline and kinship of yoga can help those affected by HIV. More importantly, however, the event, which took place amidst the ordinary buzz of Makati traffic, united the community’s energies towards igniting the flames of HIV awareness in the general public.
As people passed by on the street, some staring, some joining the gathering crowd of spectators, acclaimed yoga instructors Roland dela Cruz, Jeannie Javelosa, Tesa Celdran, Marilen Elizalde, Marc Carlos, Lex Bonife, and Rebecca de Villa each led the participants through a brief series of postures. The yoga practice was followed by a candlelit “kirtan”, an ancient call-and-response chanting experience that originated in India and involves chanting hymns or mantras accompanied by musical instruments. The kirtan called upon sacred energies which served to quiet the mind, remove obstacles, and bring the participants back to the center of their being—while also commemorating the lives of those who have died, and allowing spectators to recognize how precious and powerful their own lives are.
The event also celebrated Yoga for Life’s official launch as a non-profit organization. Yoga for Life began in June 2010, and is the Philippines’ first community-based yoga program for persons living with HIV, as well as others who support them and the cause and want to experience the beauty of yoga. To date, the community has grown to over 300 members, as YFL continues to reach more people and build a community of advocates who, through yoga, share their energies towards living positively and living well.
This particular event, the 28th annual International Candlelight Memorial (the longest running grassroots movement around HIV and AIDS), also marked the first time YFL has joined the global cause and the tens of thousands of people from 83 different countries who participated in similar memorials. While the Candlelight Memorial was originally started to commemorate the lives lost to HIV/AIDS, Yoga for Life chose to expand the mission, praising the lives of those who continue to triumph in spite of the virus, and celebrating the HIV advocate in everyone.
The memorial coincidentally occurred in the same week as a groundbreaking new discovery relating to HIV treatment. Results announced on May 12 by the United States National Institutes of Health show that if an HIV-positive person adheres to an effective antiretroviral therapy regimen, the risk of transmitting the virus to their uninfected sexual partner can be reduced by 96%. This discovery will seriously change the way HIV is treated, and hopefully have a huge impact on the so-called “prevention revolution”. At a time when the number of HIV cases in the Philippines, once noted for its remarkably low rates of HIV, is rising steadily—the results from March 2011 marked a 43% increase compared to the same period last year—any HIV advocacy, such as that encouraged by Yoga for Life, is of great importance to the country.
If you are interested in joining Yoga for Life or want to help their mission, visit www.yogaforlife.ph.
Yoga for Life offers classes twice a week for those living with HIV and/or those affected by HIV in some way. Classes include breathing techniques, postures, and guided meditation meant to address the fear and stress of HIV, as well as the stresses of everyday life:
Wednesdays at 7pm: 28th Floor Conference Room, Medical Plaza Ortigas Building, 25 San Miguel Ave, Ortigas Center, Pasig City
Saturdays at 2pm: Century Plaza Penthouse, 120 Perea Street, Legaspi Village, Makati City
Photos courtesy of Yoga for Life
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Blowing Candles
Parties and presents. Cakes and candles. Greetings and gifts. Yes, it was… my birthday. It was my 32nd birthday. Yes, 32 years on the face of the Earth. I’m not ashamed to say I’m 32. Not one little bit. Not at all.
But with my birthday always being strewn between several other occasions, like Labor Day, the elections, Mother’s Day, both my parents’ birthdays, and several others, it was never really a big deal. And I liked it that way. Was this year any different?
Before, it’d be easy to get greetings personally or via mobile. But this was my first birthday post-Facebook, where Facebook takes all the work out of trying to remember everybody’s birth dates. So, though supposedly expected, I am astounded that I got tons of greetings. Yes allow me some room for pride, but I was absolutely amazed!
Of course, family. I was happy to hear from my sister who I haven’t talked to in a while. Then there was my pozzie posse and other pusits who shouted out. There were old friends from school, even way back elementary... oi, history. Some greeting from those who were more than friends, from former fuck buddies, guys I dated, crushes, ex-boyfriends, and lo and behold, even an ex-girlfriend! I know… GASP! Hell, even Cebuana Lhuillier greeted me... I used to frequent Cebuana when I used to send cash to Baby Nathan and others who needed help. Hehehe.
The day itself was not meant to be a biggie. Because there was no longer such a thing as birthday leave for me, I was at work. I wasn’t planning on a blow out or anything, but my gurl friend in the office arrived with a cake in hand with my name written all over it. Aww... both the cake and the gesture… sweet. So sweet.
Over lunch, I got asked what I had planned for the day. Nothing really. No dinner, no nothing. They had to cheer me on though. “Birthday sex! Birthday sex!” Hahaha. Not that I was pressured. But I wish. I wish.
I had been texting earlier with the guy I had been dating this past week. Initially, he suggested we’d celebrate together Saturday night, but I’d already made plans with the pozzie posse. I asked him what he was doing that evening. He said he was free. I took a leap. “Then you’re mine tonight.” Was that me? Was that me?
Figuring out where to meet, we decided on somewhere halfway between our respective workplaces. But the meeting area being near his place and his offer to take me home after just didn’t make any wholesome sense. Gulp. I know my logic was rocked, but oddly, I was still a go.
So we met at Shangri-la, and like the heavens were on my side, we got there within minutes of each other, and actually bumped into each other without having to agree on where exactly we’d meet. From there, it was dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. It was penne for me, ravioli for him, and focaccia between to two of us. Absomalutely yummy. Agh. Both Italian boys we are. We are.
Frozen yogurt was next. Coconut for him, New York Cheesecake for me. Still felt sinful for yogurt. And with that, there were loads of calories to burn. He took me for a walk. A couple of blocks in, I knew I wasn’t heading home. I put my arm around his shoulder, my way of telling him I had no fear. No fear. And a couple of blocks more, he held my hand in the dark of the night. That told me, we’re okay. We’re okay.
We got to his place and settled into his room. All sweaty from the walk. Both of us. I love a guy who sweats. Because I sweat. A lot. Sitting down and cooling off, he stripped down to his skivvies. He said it was hot. Yeah, right. And although we’d been flirting a lot in recent days, I still needed that cue. That cue. That cue.
Okay, just to make things clear, this was someone who knew about my HIV status. Hell, he knew so much about me there wasn’t much left to hide. So he knew exactly what he was getting into seducing me into bed. And to me that’s hot.
It was hot indeed, so I took my shirt off. We hugged. We sat facing each other. He leaned over and we kissed. And two hours later, we were plopped on the bed, spent. Both spent. Two hours?! I know...
We both washed up, dressed up. He drove me home, and dropped me off as we kissed goodbye. I believe I got home around 11:00 pm, the only time I drank my ARVs since I ignored my alarm when it rang while we were in the middle of things. And with that I basked in what he calls a post-coital glow that was expected to last a good three hours.
I know some of you might think it’s just sex. Just sex. But sex is a huge thing for me. I have absolutely no qualms about having it on a first date. So this time, three wholesome dates before getting it on was quite different. Quite different.
Sex. It’s usually a make or break thing for me. But it’s not like I want a certain type of guy or expect certain sizes or demand certain acts. I mean, yeah, I have preferences, I have preferred roles, I have my fetishes and kinks, but they’re not carved in stone.
It’s more on chemistry for me. The comfort. Someone who knows what he wants? Great. Someone without hang-ups? Perfect. Personally and sexually, I’m really more of a pleaser. It ain’t about me getting pleasure. Having my partner drowning in ecstasy does it for me. Satisfying someone satisfies me. Part of the masochist in me, I think. I think.
For a first time for us, it wasn’t bad at all. Yeah, of course we did have to figure each other out somehow, and getting there after a single sessions is a lot to ask for. But our still keeping in touch even after the deed seems like a good sign. A good sign.
And for a first time for me in what... eight months?! OMG eight months without sex?! What kind of life is that to live? Hehehe. Well it was a choice for me. And for this kind of a birthday milestone to break my sexless streak... rigid candles blown till the hot wax flowed... not bad at all. Not bad at all.
So there, that was my looooong birthday day. Too bad it fell on a Thursday, otherwise I could’ve extended it into the early morn. Of course I needed to go to work the next day, albeit hungover not from alcohol but from a lack of sleep… and of course, basking in that afterglow. That afterglow. That afterglow. What a gift. What a gift. The afterglow of candles blown.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The Kind of Kindness
If there is any kindness I can show
or any good thing I can do to any fellow being,
let me do it now,
and not deter or neglect it,
as I shall not pass this way again.
- William Penn
Got a text from Papi yesterday, asking for help. Not for him. He wanted to help someone out who was confined at the RITM. Didn’t mention who the person was, what the name was, or what the findings were, but I think what was important was that this person needed help. Papi made clear that it wasn’t a big expense, but that the person was really hard up and could use some help.
I remember how E and I did it for Baby Nathan. We purposely didn’t want to give any cash or hold any cash ourselves from donors, just to eliminate any doubt of where that cash might go. So much intrigues and politics that you gotta deal with just to help a person. But if it makes for less controversies, then I’m all for it.
So I asked Papi for a list of what exactly was needed, which he texted shortly after. I took the initiative to do some research as to what exactly all this stuff was, and passed by a Mercury Drug to ask how much each would cost. Here’s the list.
D5W
D5w is some sort of technical term, which I found out stands for 5% dextrose in water. A 1 litre bottle costs PhP 119.75.
Soluset
This is that tube set for dextrose and intra-venous lines with a clip thingy that’s used to control the flow of the liquids or medicines into the veins. A set costs PhP 338.25.
Insyte (Gauge 22)
I found out this is Peripheral Venous Catheter, whatever that means. When I think catheter, I think “Ouch”. This costs PhP 36.00.
Celecoxib (200 mg)
Web says this is a sulfa non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug. It costs PhP 30.00 each, and he needs 60 pieces.
Neurobion
These are tablets to correct vitamin deficiency. It costs PhP 17.00 each, and he also needs 60 pieces of this.
Aside from these, Papi also mentioned he needs minor stuff like plastic micropore tape, and some daily necessities like food, drinks and actually, some cash for daily expenses.
So there. I’ll try to do what I can. I’m sure Papi’s rallying the troops on his end as well. Like I said, I gave the list for those who would be more comfortable giving in kind. If anyone out there would be willing to help out, let me know. Or if you’re ever in RITM, please coordinate with Ate Ana.
Any help you can give would go a long way, especially if we pool together for this. Give. Spread the word. Pray even. Thanks in advance, on behalf of he or she who needs it.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
First Hello, Last Goodbye
On most Sundays, I’d just stay home and rest. But this particular one had me anxious. The kind of anxiety that only unconsciousness could stop.
But... I was on a mission.
I was to meet a fellow pozzie for the first time. Not the kind of eyeball you would expect. I would be meeting him... at his own wake.
I’ve been chatting with an old friend abroad, and someone to whom I had disclosed my HIV status. I just really trusted this guy enough to tell the truth when he asked how I was doing, but was relieved as well to know that he and his partner had been getting tested as well. Negative, thankfully. Yep, I had had sexual contact with them both when they were still in the country years and years and years ago.
It was late April that he asked for advice, saying a friend of his had a CD4 count of less than 100, but whose HIV test result had not been released yet. A CD4 count of less than 100? I remember thinking, AIDS?! At first I found it odd that his CD4 got measured before an HIV screening, but apparently a low CD4 count can also happen in cases of autoimmune diseases like lupus and in organ transplantees.
So at the time, it wasn’t confirmed just yet, but I gave him all the information needed in case some bad news came in. But sadly, shortly after, it did. In May, his friend had been hospitalized with a number of infections like meningitis and tuberculosis, just some of what are known to be opportunistic infections.
Though I didn’t know him personally, I had been able to text the guy to introduce myself, in case he needed to talk with someone in the same situation. I had also been able to get in touch with his sibling who was taking care of him, sharing my own story of living with HIV. I reassured her that people with HIV have been known to recover from such infections. But alas, last week, I received the news that he had passed away. He was, like me, just in his 30s.
So Sunday, I dropped by his wake. I was anxious because I’ve never been comfortable being at wakes, in addition to this one being that of someone I really did not know personally and one that I was going alone to. I know, paranoia again. But I was hell bent on meeting his siblings, as well as representing his friend who could not be there.
Getting there, the sibling I was in touch with was not around. I introduced myself and chatted a bit with the dad. He expressed how happy his son would be to know that his friend sent a representative, and it was really touching for him to acknowledge that. He told me about how his healthy and athletic his son was, and how unlikely his demise had been.
I was not rambling about anything HIV just yet, as I didn’t really know who knew what. I waited quietly for the sibling I had been in touch with to arrive. The ambience was light, apparently upon request of the deceased. After about half an hour, I finally shook the hand of the person I was waiting for.
Apparently the immediate family knew the truth about the condition, but as to who understood, the only ones I am sure who did so were his siblings. We talked in lowered voices amidst the other guests and relatives, but I was pleased that the siblings were really opening up about the situation. They were open-minded and it was evident that HIV was not an issue for them in their brother’s death. I never heard any judgment.
As I understood from his sibling, this guy may have already had an inkling up to a year ago that he had it, but didn’t take action. As such, he may have found out too late. It still scares me a bit to realize it was just a month since confirming he was HIV-positive that they lost their brother. But the battle is far from over. The virus hasn’t won.
As I shared with them my own story, which is nothing compared to what their brother went through, they shared with me that they realized how much more advocacy is needed for the issue of HIV. And that was one thing that they, as well as some friends, were willing to be part of. It’s ironic that this person’s fight against the enemy will probably be more vigilant after his death.
After staying for about three hours, I mustered up the courage to leave. It was raining hard outside, which just helped set the mood to get my mind to process all the information for the day.
If it indeed was true that this person may have known that he possibly had it up to a year ago, I think the lesson to learn here is that there are certain attitudes to dealing successfully with HIV. You may be athletic, strong and healthy, but your body can only take so much. You either eat your humble pie and get the help that you need, or you continue to act like a superhero and beat the hell outta the virus. Either way, you gotta acknowledge that there is an adversary. It’s when you take the deadma approach that this virus can really get the upper hand.
So there, I didn’t know how much I can say without endangering the privacy of the family, so thanks for bearing with my lack of details as I tried to tell my story. I was his last eyeball. Our first hello was also our last goodbye. Condolences to his family, and may he rest in peace.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Please Say A Prayer
Guys and gals, I just received word that we just lost one of our kind. After suffering from multiple infections, a pusit just bit the dust. But of course, he is not just a pusit. He is someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s friend, someone’s lover. May God bless his soul.
I hope to be able to get in touch with the family soon. Although we do not know him personally, please take a moment to say a little prayer for him. Thank you. Updates later.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Past the Candles Blown
My birthday this year has dragged on for more than the twenty-four hours that it was supposed to and has been anything but expected.
Is that a good thing? Is that a bad thing? I don’t know. But it’s been a darn unusual thing.
My whole life, I don’t really recall any year that it was hugely celebrated. Blame my memory or whatever, but my only recollection of a birthday as a child stems from a picture of me, in front of a cake, all dressed up in a Spiderman costume. I looked pretty happy in that picture.
Another factor could be that my birthday fell just two days after my mom’s and dad’s birthdays, so it was always a collective celebration, usually just pasta and fried chicken on the nearest weekend. Not too bad.
In school, my birthday was never celebrated, primarily due to the fact that my birthday falls right smack in the middle of summer vacation. Even now, at work, it’s never been a big deal. I’m always saved by what’s called Birthday Leave. Plus, considering I’m usually the one who makes the personalized birthday cards, it’s just pointless, and not to mention pathetic, to make one for myself.
I’m not sure which came first – that I felt my birthday was always too small of a deal, or that I never liked making a big deal out of it. I’ve gone as far as disappear for the duration of my birthdays before. I remember the worst I’ve done is check into a motel alone for the day, watch hour after hour of porn, and just jerk off until I no longer could. What can I say? I’m easy to please.
Last year, though, may have been the most memorable ever, as I spent the day having vials and vials of blood extracted from my poor veins. Whoopee. Ngarrr. I made the conscious effort for this year to not be that bad.
This year may just have made up for my lifetime’s worth birthdays. It of course started with my I-Hate-Suprises moment Sunday night. Being with friends to celebrate was... uhm... different. Especially considering I didn’t know it was a celebration to begin with.
On the eve of my birthday, I agreed to meet up with a friend in Greenhills for a dinner of my favorites – pasta and pizza. Capped off with chismisan to the max, first-name-basis flirting with the waiter and a liter of long island iced tea, my first taste ever, ahh, heavenly.
From there, we watched Wolverine at one of the Promenade cinemas, with no less than Sharon Cuneta! Well, of course, Sharon didn’t know who the hell we were. We just happened to be in the same movie house, that’s all. It was just funny how Sharon being there seemed to excite my friend even more that seeing Hugh Jackman practically naked.
Wednesday, my birthday itself, started off shortly past midnight as I got greeted via text by a new friend who’s been reading this blog. Actually, it was more that just a greeting, as we... uhm... sort of had... uhm... sex. Gasp! Well, actually, what started out as an innocent phone conversation turned explicit and... well, you know the rest. It was the safest sex there is, without even needing to unroll a rubber over the phone. Sexy, safe and fun. Now that was a hell of a birthday gift.
The rest of the day was spent at home, as usual, sleeping, channel surfing, happily munching on left-over slices of pizza and chocolate mousse. Mababaw lang ako, baket ba?
Friends were a huge part of that day as well. Most of my BFFs were a bit down in the dumps that day, which is really no problem for me. It wasn’t that I was happy that they were sad, but rather, I was happy that I could be there to help ease the burden, or at least try to. I know I’ll sound like such a schmuck if I say that making loved ones happy makes me happy. But that’s the truth.
As expected, I got birthday greetings galore – from relatives, from former classmates, from online friends, from an ex-boyfriend, from a couple of my old fuck buddies, and even from some fubus and friends overseas! I usually despise people making such a big deal about my birthday, but I know this year was different... I was just thankful.
Even until the days following, my birthday dragged on. The owner of the company I work for sent me a text greeting, and even took time to get me a gift. And take note, this is a seventy-plus year old lady, with the help of her fifty-plus year old buddy, so I was a bit surprised.
And Friday night, I got what I consider my ultimate gift, as Positivism’s second issue went live. Paki nyo? Assuming ako eh! I was amazed, giddy, and anxious all the same time.
So truly, this was a birthday week to remember. The worst part may have been my mom wondering why I was on leave from work, and taking a full minute to realize that it was my birthday. But it was fine, no harm done. The day wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t need it to be. It was a day – and a year – that was just more that I could have ever asked for. The year of life was already a gift. And that just made it a very Happy Birthday.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Song
You came at a time when I wasn’t expecting anyone, nor looking for that matter. But you came. You were there. You appreciated who I was. You showed me my strength. You gave me a high. You helped me take flight. You made me soar. You were my lift.
But what happened?
Just when I got so used to having your arms around me, and my hand in yours... just when I needed you... I lost you. And without your lift, I went from a gentle glide to a steep dive. And the harsh reality is, the higher one flies, the harder one falls... and the worse it hurts.
I never learned my lesson. I’ve soared several times before. I’ve plummeted several times as well. And been hurt even more. But still, I’ve always wanted to fly. Everyone deserves to fly.
I opened myself up to you. I broke down my walls for you. But what happened? I was left standing there, bare of the walls that used to protect and comfort me. I shuddered with every gust of wind against my nakedness.
And these walls, they would have been as easy to build as they were to break down. But walls, they’re only as strong as the foundation upon which they stand. And with every ray of self-doubt and every drop of insecurity you brought me, the elements eroded my foundation.
Was that it? Was that all you needed from me? It hurt to have to second guess myself. Paranoid? Yes, I am. And with hundreds of questions without answers, I had no choice but to be.
What changed? What happened? Why did you seem so distant? Why did you disappear? Was it something about me?
Now, I’ve been slowly trying to pick up the pieces. Trying to convince myself that I wasn’t broken. Trying to forget. Trying to move on.
And now, you choose to make your presence felt... again. Why now? Why just now?
Has anyone else had a song written for and dedicated to them? It would be the most wonderful and flattering thing, right? It should be. But right now, it’s not. Not yet. It just reminds me of all my weaknesses you exposed... all my insecurities that I’ve been trying so hard to forget.
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. And I won’t. If there’s one thing you taught me, it’s that I am strong. I will be strong.
I’ve been playing it over and over and over for the past five hours now. I’m going to keep on playing it until I’m numb. Until all the questions stop. Until it no longer hurts. It’s my fault. Just give me time.
But regardless, the song is beautiful. Thank you. Thank you.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Things I've Learned
Christmas this year has been so different. It’s been an extended holiday season, but I’ve become thankful that I didn’t get my wish to sleep through the holidays. I’ve had a healthy balance between staying rested and keeping busy, and been swamped with almost every emotion there is, more happy moments than sad, I’m pleased to say.
The usual family stuff has been there, but with the several days that have been dedicated to helping Baby Nathan’s family out, they’ve become my second family as well. It’s been almost a week since Christmas passed, and still the season of giving remains. And with everything that has been happening, I can say that I have been learning a lot.
Here are just some of them...
I’ve sort of been able to generalize that people who drive Mazda 3s are seemingly extremely generous persons. You know who you are. I’m thankful, but hoping generosity is not limited to them.
I’ve seen how much fun unexpected plans can be, when a quick shopping trip spins off into a bakal-boys-hour slash dirty-secrets-Q&A-portion slash movie-date. I’m still trying to analyze if doors really do slam silently when done by the hearing-impaired.
I’ve shared the panic of being put on the spot and wanting to run away from a well-meaning bible-study-preacher person, but not having any polite way of doing so. I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one who’s not into it.
I’ve realized how the mascot effigies at fastfood chains can be such good points of reference when eyeballing with someone. I’m just thinking of how to phrase things better than I’m the guy staring at Ronald McDonald’s ass.
I’ve learned that ladies should be careful who they’re caught grocery-shopping with. Anyone of the opposite sex, even if it’s a discreet gay friend, will always be thought to be your boyfriend. I’m wondering how much worse the rumors would’ve been if we were caught with baby diapers in the shopping cart. This might be the first and the last time you'll hear this from me, but Our kids would've been beautiful!
And vice versa, discreet gay guys should be careful who they’re caught grocery shopping with, too. Anyone of the opposite sex, even if it’s just a friend, might be thought to be your – Gasp! – girlfriend. Again, I’m glad no one I knew caught us with diapers in our shopping cart. No offense, but Eeeeew! I have a reputation to protect, ya know!
Okay, okay, now seriously...
Being able to help Baby Nathan out these past holidays has been anything short of an eye-opener. I’ve been thanked myself a lot for helping them out, but I maintain that I am only a medium, and the real angels are the people who come from out of nowhere to lend a helping hand. I mean I might have the affinity to this kid just because we are both HIV positive and it is but natural for us in the poz community to, as they say, love your own. But these people who’ve been stepping up to the plate and giving whole-heartedly have been people from heaven knows where, who’ve chosen to look past the boundaries of our minority, welcoming themselves into our little community and us into theirs.
So the real learning for me in all of this is that, as much as so many people have been opening their hearts to put smiles on the faces of Baby Nathan and his family during the holidays, we must realize how Baby Nathan is serving as an angel himself, a tool to bridge the gap between the HIV-positive and the HIV-negative, and show that we are still human and that everyone, regardless of gender, orientation and HIV status, can work together.
In this case, clearly HIV is not merely a disease. It is not a punishment. HIV has served as a tool in itself, a tool that possibly the heavens have sent down to give us humans the opportunities to show compassion, to cooperate, and to prove that there is still hope in the world. A tool that didn’t come in a completely pleasant form, but, as we are beginning to see, serves its purpose to show we are not living in a fallen and hopeless world.
Okay, so maybe the country is not completely ready for the reality of HIV. Maybe majority of people still cultivate the stigma attached to HIV. But I can firmly say that the times are changing. Slowly, but surely. I’ve been taking baby steps for some time now, and I’m happy to realize that more and more people are willing to take those baby steps, too... with me, and towards me.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Everybody Happy
Out of the house before 8:00 am, early for a Saturday, I trekked out to EDSA to get picked up. Picked up?! Yeah. I was sitting at the local Ministop when I got a call that he was about to drive by. I told him what I’d be wearing while walking out to wait up front. When he drove by, he waved me over and I stepped into his car and we drove off. This was bound to be a happy day.
Okay, before you start making conclusions, I was picked up by a friend who’d been reading my blog and wanted to help and visit Baby Nathan. I already had a box of Alactagrow with me, which E asked me pick up yesterday from someone near where I work. I half-blame E for my having to think up an excuse at work, for having powdered milk on hand. I just joked that it’s part of my weight gain program. Argh. Okay back to my pick-up story.
It was the first time we actually met – and no, he does not have HIV – so we had a lot to talk about during the long drive to Alabang. It was the first time I’d be going to the area not walking or in public transport, so I honestly had difficulty navigating us through Filinvest. I may as well have walked in front of the car to figure out where we were.
We had breakfast at Starbucks in Festival Mall, before walking to Shopwise, where we did our shopping. We only got a couple of boxes of milk, not being able to find cheaper brands of diapers available. We also got some food to split between Baby Nathan’s parents and Steve. My friend would’ve bought the Heraclene Baby Nathan needed at the Emilene’s Pharmacy nearby but it was out of stock. Darn! It would’ve cost less there, just PhP 15.85 each, compared to Mercury Drug’s PhP 16.10. So we looked for Watsons, where we got it for PhP 16.00 each. Good enough. We also got the Ferrous Sulfate that E mentioned Steve needed. The generic brand was good enough, costing PhP 75.00 for a hundred pieces.
From there, it was another case of the blind leading the blind, until we asked our way out to Civic Road, where I finally recognized where we were and figured out the right way to the RITM. The guard at the RITM gate at first wouldn’t let us in, asking us for the patient’s surname, which I really didn’t know. He finally gave way when I mentioned the magic word, which was Ate’s name. I think he understood.
At the ward, the nurse led us into the kid’s room, where he was awake in his dad’s lap. We put the bag of stuff for them in a corner, and I handed the nurse the stash of Heraclene. She tore off a piece and gave it to Nathan’s dad, keeping the rest with her. Apparently, the Heraclene capsule is split open and mixed with the baby’s milk for feeding. I also handed the nurse the stuff for Steve, who was still in isolation. She mentioned he was doing better, but felt the need to squeal on how Steve always puts up an attitude with whoever was attending to him, mentioning his special demands of Hansel, juice or candy, before heading off to deliver our goodies. She peeped in a few minutes later sending us Steve’s thanks, which for me, was both unexpected and unnecessary.
Baby Nathan’s senses were up and about, and he had his eyes glued to us newcomers almost the whole time. He was staring at me in particular, which worried me because he’d be letting out occasional whimpers, threatening to cry. The dad said it was probably because I was in a white shirt, which the kid was now extremely familiar with, thanks to his doctors and nurses. The kid was probably thinking I was one of those beings in white who came to give injections or take blood. Poor kiddo. Note to self: It’s a kid. Wear something colorful next time.
My friend had a million questions to ask Nathan’s dad, some of which I honestly was too shy to ask myself, so we both got to know more about the family. The dad worked as a waiter, and the mom in a videoke bar, but of course both had to stop since the kid got sick. They had to battle with being in another medical institution in Quezon City, before being referred to the RITM, where they finally found the proper care for the baby. Trust me it was a long story, which fast forwarded to today, where Baby Nathan was recovering from hitting almost rock bottom.
Baby Nathan’s condition is definitely improving, and his cheeks are filling up. Though still far from the ideal, he’s on his way. He is able to sit upright in his dad’s lap, and his legs are able to support his weight with some assistance from dad. Unlike the last time I saw him, where his hands were just clasped together and hardly moving, he is now giving out high-fives, and playfully slapping his dads face. Excellent.
His dad was even telling us how Baby Nathan now sort of knew when it was close to 8:00 am or 8:00 pm, his daily ARV schedule. So much so, that the Baby was working up a talent of trying to seal his lips, in protest of the impending dosage of probably not-so-yummy syrups. It had me giggling, because of the pilyo factor, and smiling, because that alertness was still a good sign.
His dad was also telling us about the Baby’s regular fevers, which I said might be caused by the ARVs, but I held off on pointing out how the same meds can make a grown man, as myself, running to the doctor for help. Fortunately, I don’t think Baby Nathan minded the fevers, because as his dad said, the kid could easily sleep through the spikes. He was the one kept up keeping an eye on the kid’s temperature, though, and reporting it to the nurses.
When asked what else they needed there, the dad didn’t really have much to ask for. He did point out how EQ diapers fit better than Pampers, which were just sliding off what was left of the kid’s butt. He also said the Baby was on some new medicine, which my friend said was an anti-bacterial. I’ll ask Ate about that the next time I talk to her. Other than that, they were good and happy. My friend did say that we should’ve brought some colorful toys for the baby, since all he had was a plastic airplane, which his dad said had already made several flights off the bed, thanks to the kid’s newfound strength. Great idea, don’t you think?
After more than an hour there, we bade them goodbye. He thanked us sincerely. I think it was a relief for the dad to have someone to talk to, while the mom was out. She’d been attending the regular activities of one of the so-called HIV advocacy groups, which came in the form of videoke sessions. I do hope that these groups are helping out in ways beyond that. Anyways...
From there, my friend treated me to lunch back in Festival Mall, which left me thinking that I had mistakenly included myself in Baby Nathan’s weight gain program. I love pasta and hate left-overs, so I was stuffed! We then faced the traffic back north, where I was dropped off at the bus stop while my friend headed off to work. It was a good day, and I dropped by the weekend sale at Landmark, and was super proud to get myself a number of nice shirts for just over PhP 100.00 each. Imagine that?! My early Christmas gift to myself I guess. I headed home to rest a bit, and even found energy to get myself a long-deserved haircut.
A lot of happiness today but... anything for mom? Okay, I’ll admit to being a schmuck. I offered to take her back to Landmark for the midnight sale after dinner, which she’d been hinting on since last week. It wasn’t so bad, I did some more shopping myself for some of my new godchildren, and… okay, okay, I got a couple of pairs of shorts for myself. I’d blown my Christmas budget on Baby Nathan already, so I decided to go all out. Hehehe. Eventually, I had to sneak off to the foodcourt to take my ARVs, after which I tried my best to convince my mom that we were done, before I started feeling the effects of the meds. So we walked home, and that was that.
As you can see from this long post, it was a looooong day. But I checked my list, and other than the three guys who I had to blow off having sex with today, I think everybody was happy.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Christmas Campaign
A quick update on Baby Nathan. I just talked to Ate over the phone this afternoon to check on him. Other than the fact that he had a fever, which I’m hoping isn’t due to allergic reactions to the ARVs, Ate says he’s doing fine. She says Baby Nathan is starting to gain weight, and says it’s definitely showing on his face. I flash back to the pictures of chubby cheeks posted above the bed at the hospital, and I just wanna cheer him on towards that.
I asked Ate what Baby Nathan needs right now, and aside from the Alactagrow milk and the diapers, she mentioned that he was put on some vitamins. She asked that I hold for a while, as she contacted the ward to ask what particular vitamins he was on. Coming back, she said the baby was put on a regimen of Heraclene. It sounded like some mythical detergent.
I did some research on the Mercury Drug site, and found out that Heraclene is actually an appetite stimulant, usually given to treat premature babies, as well as low birth weights, retarded growths, and poor appetites in infants, children & even adults. Hmm, this might just be what can help me gain weight, too.
I placed a call to one of the Mercury Drug branches, and inquired about the price. It costs PhP 16.10 per capsule, which translates to PhP 16.10 per day, if he’s on a once a day dosage.
So there. I do have plans of going back to the RITM this weekend with another generous friend to bring more stuff for Baby Nathan and Steve, so I should have more updates following that.
They still both need our help, so keep those prayers coming. I heard too from Ate that help has been pouring in from faceless names and nameless faces, and she herself is overwhelmed. I’m sure Steve and Baby Nathan would love to, so on their behalf, I say thank you, thank you and thank you.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Early Christmas
It’s Saturday. A rest day. But surprisingly, I did everything but rest. This day left me with feet sore from walking all day, and poorer than when I got out of bed this morning. What the hell happened?
E had sent me a text message midweek, asking if I had some extra dough on me, because someone at the RITM needed help. I’m really not the type to give alms to beggars, but this case was so different. It just had me reaching for whatever I had. And I hope it does the same to you too.
E’s message was practically begging me to help. He needed milk and diapers. Milk and diapers? I was half wishing this was one of E’s little attempts at pulling my leg, but I scrolled to the end of the message not finding the punchline.
So here’s the deal, there’s a one-year old kid confined at the RITM who’s been HIV positive since birth. I know, even to me it’s unreal. But it’s the harsh reality. Having HIV was one thing, but apparently, after being ravaged by bouts of infection and diarrhea, the baby was, as E described, reduced to skin and bones. I couldn’t imagine how bad it was until I saw the kid myself. E had visited the kid before, bringing some diapers, milk and other supplies they needed, that admittedly weren’t enough.
So I forewent my Saturday restday to meet E at Festival Mall. Okay, I won’t even mention that he was late, as usual. That’s besides the point. I had peeped at the prices earlier today while I was at the grocery with my mom and fortunately, my so-called cellphone fund would be enough for now. I was just trying to save up for a cheap phone, so it was really just a small fund. At Save More, it was just enough to buy two big boxes of Alactagrow, and a pack-of-54 of EQ Dry diapers. Alactagrow was the RITM doctor’s brand of choice, because the goal was to fatten the kid back up, while EQ Dry was the cheapest brand there was, so the money could go further.
From there we headed towards the RITM on foot. It would be my first time up on the second floor where the patients’ rooms were. We were welcomed by the nurse, who ushered us into the room of the baby. And there he was, all skin and bones of him, just like E described, on his dad’s lap. It was heart-wrenching. Ever see pictures of Somalian kids ravaged by malnutrition? That should give you an idea.
We greeted them, as the kid’s dad welcomed us with a smile. This person had his helpless child in his hands. This person had not yet eaten, because they had nothing to eat. So that smile just broke the ice for me. It was refreshing to see he was happy despite what little they had. It was uplifting that he was being strong for his kid.
I put the presents down by the side of the bed, while E introduced me and started chatting up with the dad. I was looking around, the small room had the bed placed against one wall, a sink against another, a small bathroom, and a door leading out to a balcony. I thought it was decent enough, compared to having to share a common ward with other patients. On the wall above the bed, I saw some pictures of an adorable healthy baby boy, only to realize this was what the kid looked like months ago. It was heartbreaking to be able to compare that with the condition he was in now.
Apparently, the kid’s health, still grim as I saw, was improving. This child, at a year old, is already on ARVs, Lamivudine, Nevirapine and Zidovudine, the same ones I started out with, but in liquid form. Imagine that? He was now already able to move his arms a bit, and even able to stick his tongue out at E, which, as his dad said, was the child’s attempt at playing with us. Obviously, this child wants to live. Let’s help him live.
And so, E and I are begging for your help. Let’s all help this kid live. The big box of Alactagrow, which lasts the kid 3 days, costs around P 360.00. The smaller box of Alactagrow, which lasts a day and a half, costs around P 190.00. The pack-of-54 of medium-sized EQ Dry diapers costs around P320.00. The pack-of-84 costs around P 560.00. Although whatever help you can give will be much appreciated, we think it would be better if we do not give cash.
Another HIV positive guy confined at the RITM needs some help too, in the form of food and toiletries. He was confined with nothing but the clothes on his back, has no family to care for him there, and is suffering from so many different infections. I don't know the full story, and we couldn't see the guy because he was in isolation, so you can read more about him in E's blog entry.
You can get in touch with me or E via e-mail. My e-mail address is pinoycumeater@yahoo.com (yeah, yeah, I saw your jaw just drop...), while E can be contacted through echronicles@gmail.com or through his blog, Chronicles of E. You can also contact the office of Dra. Ditangco at the RITM through 807-2628 and ask how you can help, and course your donations through them.
Thanks everyone. Just think of this as an early Christmas gift. Christmas is for the kids, right? I really need to go to sleep now, because I’m just fighting through the dizziness of the ARVs. Thanks again in advance.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Opposites Attract
Okay, before you think this is anything about sex or dating, stop. No malice, no hard-ons, no orgasms. This is way better!!!
I had taken a leave from work, because November 4th was a big day. Huge! We attended our first meeting yesterday with the rest of the Positivism team in Makati. These were the negative people who were, uhm, thinking positive. These are the people who have been furthering our cause. It was bound to be a wonderful day.
It was E, our resident counselor and I, who represented the poz side of the team. On the ride to their office, at first we were being told by our big boss not to feel awkward around the other people there. I had sedated the loner in me a bit since the night before, and was instead concerned that they would feel awkward around us. There’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?
So we trekked into the office, and sat ourselves down around the conference table. It was quiet, other than the three of us who were chatting the wait away. Okay, it wasn’t quiet-boring, but rather quiet-tranquil. It was comfortable.
It wasn’t long before the observer in me got into gear. Looking around, all I saw were a bunch of guys and gals, faces buried into their computers, all hard at work. I glanced at a board of what seemed to be a rundown of tasks of each person, and man, was it a work load. Noticeably though, the Positivism project wasn’t even on the board, so these people would be working on Positivism in addition to their usual tasks. Amazing.
Shortly after, our big boss came around and called everyone on the team to take a seat at the table. One after the other, seat after seat was taken, and additional chairs even had to be rolled up to the table. At the end of it all, only two people were left at their workstations. I was stunned. All these people are working on this project?! Speechless.
So the meeting ensued, and the ice was broken by our resident counselor, who shared a smidget of her long life living with HIV. Everyone was listening intently, but weren’t exactly wide-eyed or open-mouthed. They understood. I think it just put everyone into the proper perspective as to why this cause was so important. Trust me, tears were shed.
At the end of it all, it was their turn to churn out the ideas they had for the project. And churn out they did. They pitched to us a presentation to promote Positivism, just to see if we had any more input. We were supposed to be the experts on the subject, of course. It must’ve been like designing a terno for Imelda Marcos. Nerve-wracking for them.
But... to say that we approved was an understatement. It was like they knew exactly what we were fighting for, like they knew exactly how we were feeling, like they were reading our minds, like they were taking the words like out of our mouths... and that's a good thing. And taking words out of our mouths isn’t exactly an easy thing to do, mind you.
It was all absolutely amazing. I even reached the point of thinking the only explanation for their knowing us too well was... gasp... they were all HIV positive as well! Okay, so much for my powers of logic. They just really understood the advocacy. Pardon my moments of craziness. Hahaha.
Who knew I’d ever meet anyone who was HIV positive, let alone be one? And who knew I’d end up working so closely and comfortably with others who weren’t? Heaven knows.
So to sum the day up, it was us positives, working with negatives – and working well together at that. We’ve proved that over and above being HIV positive or negative, we are no different. We are all human. And that’s living the exact essence of Positivism.
See, in humans, just like magnets, opposite poles can and do attract... and not to mention bash heads well together. Positivism is green and go!
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Positivism
I’ve teased you a bit in a previous post about it. It had me talking to God and saying Thank You for so many things. It left me excited and inspired. And now, finally, finally, finally, I get to tell you what it’s all about.
When I first found out I was HIV positive, I headed immediately to the net. I knew about HIV even back in high school, but I realized knowing about it was one thing, understanding it was a whole different story. So I got online, trying to find someone, anyone, who had shared his or her story on being HIV positive here in the Philippines. I never knew anyone who was HIV positive. So I searched. But other than some news articles, research papers, and statistics, I came up empty handed.
I felt I was left in the dark, clueless about the road ahead, if there was any. Fortunately, I left myself open to the experience, overcoming the fear of not knowing what lies ahead. And trust me, that’s a big thing for me. I hate surprises. I hate not knowing.
So I wondered. How many others out there wanted or needed to know how it was to be HIV positive in the Philippines? And so, Back In The Closet was born. It started out as an outlet for me, but became a chance for others to learn about HIV in the Philippines. And people do want to know. The HIV positive, the HIV negative, the guys, the gals, the straight, the gay, and even some from overseas were contacting me and thanking me for sharing my journey. At that point, this became my advocacy. Awareness.
Not everyone was pleased with my decision. Some of the pusits were disgusted that I was giving out all this information, treating it like a breach of their privacy. Even the so-called HIV advocacy groups here were in on it. If I was Back In The Closet, they were In The Panic Room. It was sad. No wonder there is so much stigma attached to HIV. The stigma is fueled by the lack of understanding. And how can we expect to be understood, if we don’t share our story?
At first, I felt I was facing the challenge alone. Little did I know, that there was a small group being formed, ready to fight my same battle. And due to some unexpected but fortunate incidents, this very blog brought me to Positivism.
Positivism is an e-magazine – a website about HIV and being HIV positive in the Philippines. Yes, there will be articles on the basics of HIV, but rather than being encyclopedic, it will be a lighter presentation of the facts, to make it easy for anyone, especially the HIV negative and new pozzies, to understand.
These basics will actually take a backseat to the main features, which will be stories about living with HIV – both being infected and affected by HIV. We aim to show that the HIV-positive person is not just someone suffering or bedridden. We want the Philippines to realize that HIV-positive people can continue working, laughing, loving, and living.
I think that’s what makes Positivism different from the other HIV advocacy groups. We don’t just cater to the HIV positive. We aim to help all of the Philippines, and the world, open its eyes to HIV, so they can understand it... and us... better.
Positivism is a project of an advertising and visual design big boss, who is the brain, and not to mention the heart, behind Positivism. He has put his company’s resources into this advocacy, and opened his doors to us, the HIV positive. So yes, we have writers, editors, art directors, photographers, designers, marketing people and every expert there is, working on this project. And yes, it is a collaboration between the HIV positive and the HIV negative. The perfect combination.
Now you know what I’ve been so excited about, and what’s been fuelling my passion lately. We’ve been working hard at meeting our deadlines, and hope to launch in time for World AIDS Day, December 1st.
Fellow blogger Chronicles of E, who was also getting the flack for his advocacy, is in on this, too. We’ll be updating you more about it in the coming weeks.
Watch out for the new brand of HIV advocacy. Stir awareness. Eradicate stigma. Promote POSITIVISM.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Kuya (Big Brother)
Having worked extra over the weekend, I had a day and a half worth of vacation that I could offset with a workday. So in the midst of an agreement with E, who is part of the Positivism.ph team, we agreed to head for the RITM yesterday, Tuesday. More on Positivism.ph in a later post.
My personal agenda at the RITM would be to get a med reload. I only had enough medicines to last me till tonight, so one way or another I was bound to go. But my main purpose would be to just hang around with E and the resident counselor, who is also part of the Positivism.ph team.
So hang around I did. I helped out with some paperwork – literally – no typing or writing or thinking. Just collating and stapling. Mmm, repetitive work, gotta love it. Lunch with the counselor was great, too. I tried hard to keep up with her appetite. Hehehe.
E sent me a message that a friend of his was coming in. He asked me to talk to him, because he wasn’t feeling well. Me? Why me? Was this counseling? Yikes. The shy guy in me was trying to file an appeal. Ok, ok, let’s see what we can do.
Once I figured out which one he was, I took the counselor’s seat, and E's friend took a seat in front “my” desk. It turns out he was experiencing fevers after being on Nevirapine for about a week. Well, well, I knew exactly how that went, so that gave me a bit of confidence. I found myself opening up, and putting him at ease that what he was going through was a normal part of the process.
Hey, I actually thought I was good at that! A second guy actually came in having the same complaints, so again, I shared my story. It felt good being able to help in my own little way. Very kuya-like of me.
Later I received news that T was coming, with three new recruits. T is an old friend. An old friend who I was going to meet for the first time. So he would be an old-new friend. Confused? You see we’d been chatting online for more than five years now, if I’m not mistaken. There were plans to meet which never pushed through, but we never lost touch. Until finally, we discovered each other again, in the poz world this time.
So finally, finally, finally, we met. The only thing was, he didn’t realize it was me. I thought maybe it was too much for me to expect us to be instantly chummy, so I didn’t pursue it, and just stuck by E, who kept exchanging jokes, quips and the occasional elbow with me. T’s three new recruits had gone through their paces with the doctor, and he invited us all for dinner at nearby Festival Mall, still oblivious of who I was exactly.
We headed to the mall, but let the newbies take the car. E, his friend and I trekked on foot, since we couldn’t all fit. Getting there, we had dinner, where I showed off my new found appetite. We were almost through with dinner before T finally figured out who I was, which was what broke the ice for us. He’s been reading this blog regularly, so he knows what things I’ve been going through. He probably sees me as a willing guinea pig for the poz journey.
I wasn’t the kuya or big brother of the group age-wise, but when it came to the HIV journey, my mere six-months already made me the kuya of kuyas. So on the trip home, T encouraged his new recruits to bombard me with all the questions they had, which really weren’t much. I think it was enough for them to see that T, E and I were smiling, laughing, and living... enough to see that we were normal... enough to assure them that they, too, would be okay.
I was the last to get off at Guadalupe, before which T thanked me for having this blog and sharing my experiences. T is to be thanked, too, for the work that he does with these kids. I’ve never been a kuya in my life. But regardless of whether it made me feel old, I realized last night, it felt swell to be a kuya.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Yahoo!
I apologize. I’ve been meaning to blog since yesterday, but never got the time, nor the energy, until today. Finally.
I do have something big to write about. Well, it's big to me, at least.
Yesterday brought some news, the best I've gotten in the very recent past.
Let me introduce… H. This H guy has been part of my journey ever since. A silent party maybe. He’s the first person I told when I got my results. I don’t even remember how it happened, but it was something like we got tested the same week, and while he got his results a day after, mine had taken a while, as you can recall. He told me his was negative, and was eager probably to share my relief when I was to find out I was negative. But that time never came. He knew I was waiting for the results, so I had to tell him. He’d figure it out somehow if I didn’t tell. So I told him my bad news.
Now, the catch is, H and I had been buddies for a couple of months before we got tested. Yes, buddies. Yes, we were a perfect match. Yes, we were doing it. And yes, at times unprotected. So he has been hanging in the balance since mid-March, waiting for the three-month window to pass before getting retested. We’d been regularly chatting during this period. I updated him on my check-ups, and he updated me on his paranoia. Some days he’d feel some things that he thought could be symptoms, other days he’d tell me he felt he was negative. I don’t know how much of this blog he’s read, but he knows about it definitely.
Finally, he was able to get tested this last Wednesday. The three month wait to get tested may have been torture for him, but I’m sure the 24-hour wait for the results was worse. I told him I’d be praying for him, and pray I did.
Finally, the day came. A Thursday again, coincidentally. Big day Thursday. He sent me a text message, saying he didn’t know how it happened… but he was negative. Negative! OMG, that’s the best news ever! And I’m sure I had a my share of a sigh of relief at that moment.
I always thought his next steps would be to head on off, go on with life, disassociate himself from me, and just be more careful in the future. But he surprised me. In the next message he sent, he told me to take him off my guilt-list and add him to the reliable-buddies-list… It was just really, really touching to hear that. Something I didn’t ask for or expect at all.
I’m truly blessed to have encountered someone like him. I knew before that we were good together physically and intellectually, but now emotionally as well. I’m sure he knows it’s him I’m talking about. And I’m sure he’ll agree, this was a very unusual, but great start to one hell of a friendship.
At least I know one person is celebrating this weekend… And so I say, STAY SAFE!!!... in every possible way… wink, wink…
Monday, May 19, 2008
The LGBT Bloggers List
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Bloggers List, or LGBT Bloggers List for short. I found this bloglist online sometime ago, and just tried to get myself on the list. To my surprise, the blog owner Sh@ney not only included me in the list, but also featured my blog in an entry he made! Thank you, thank you, thank you Sh@ney! Such a warm welcome for me into the bloggers circle.
The LGBT Bloggers List features an updated listing of bloggers and their blogsites, all created by members of the LGBT community.
The blogroll is on the blog's side panel, and all blogs are put into categories, such as by orientation like Gay Male, Lesbian Blogs, Transgender, and Bisexual Blogs, content such as Parenting, Gay Art & Poetry, Community, Entertainment, Fashion & Shopping, Photography, Travel, Health and Adult, and by regions, such as Australian, Spain, Mixed Language, Chinese, French, Asian, and even a category dedicated to Pinoys!
Why be a part of the LGBT Bloggers List?
You might not find my blog under the Pinoy category, rather with the other HIV/AIDS Related blogs. I hope this means that my blog caters to an audience beyond just the Philippines. Wow...
I am proud to be a Blogger. Even more proud to be an LGBT Blogger. Check us out at http://lgbtbloggers.blogspot.com/. It feels nice to belong.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Absolutely Speechless
I just logged on and was about to write my piece for today. Decided to take time to moderate comments on the blog. And I say this to all who've visited and taken time to read and even comment... thank you, thank you, thank you.
I checked out one particular comment today, from baklang aj. Was surprised to find out he was behind baklaako.com. As a bakla or gay myself, I've browsed his site before.
His blog for today was Bakla’s Top 10 Emerging Influential Blogs of 2008... I don't exactly know why, but I hit click to read more... I was SOOOOOOOO surprised to see my humble blog in his list! I was shocked, honored, flattered, amazed, wowed, and more! Honestly it took me a while to figure out what to write... I was absolutely speechless... in a written way I guess.
I never had such recognition in mind when I started this blog. This is just part therapy, part release and part creative-outlet for me, and hopefully, part information, part entertainment and part realize-how-much-better-your-life-is for you. It was just my way of moving forward, so to read how much readers take from what I write is incredible. It's empowering, but as some superhero said, with power comes responsibility. To be granted this honor and be called influential is amazing.
Nuff said. I forgot I was supposed to be absolutely speechless.
