Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Past the Candles Blown

My birthday this year has dragged on for more than the twenty-four hours that it was supposed to and has been anything but expected.

Is that a good thing? Is that a bad thing? I don’t know. But it’s been a darn unusual thing.

My whole life, I don’t really recall any year that it was hugely celebrated. Blame my memory or whatever, but my only recollection of a birthday as a child stems from a picture of me, in front of a cake, all dressed up in a Spiderman costume. I looked pretty happy in that picture.

Another factor could be that my birthday fell just two days after my mom’s and dad’s birthdays, so it was always a collective celebration, usually just pasta and fried chicken on the nearest weekend. Not too bad.

In school, my birthday was never celebrated, primarily due to the fact that my birthday falls right smack in the middle of summer vacation. Even now, at work, it’s never been a big deal. I’m always saved by what’s called Birthday Leave. Plus, considering I’m usually the one who makes the personalized birthday cards, it’s just pointless, and not to mention pathetic, to make one for myself.

I’m not sure which came first – that I felt my birthday was always too small of a deal, or that I never liked making a big deal out of it. I’ve gone as far as disappear for the duration of my birthdays before. I remember the worst I’ve done is check into a motel alone for the day, watch hour after hour of porn, and just jerk off until I no longer could. What can I say? I’m easy to please.

Last year, though, may have been the most memorable ever, as I spent the day having vials and vials of blood extracted from my poor veins. Whoopee. Ngarrr. I made the conscious effort for this year to not be that bad.

This year may just have made up for my lifetime’s worth birthdays. It of course started with my I-Hate-Suprises moment Sunday night. Being with friends to celebrate was... uhm... different. Especially considering I didn’t know it was a celebration to begin with.

On the eve of my birthday, I agreed to meet up with a friend in Greenhills for a dinner of my favorites – pasta and pizza. Capped off with chismisan to the max, first-name-basis flirting with the waiter and a liter of long island iced tea, my first taste ever, ahh, heavenly.

From there, we watched Wolverine at one of the Promenade cinemas, with no less than Sharon Cuneta! Well, of course, Sharon didn’t know who the hell we were. We just happened to be in the same movie house, that’s all. It was just funny how Sharon being there seemed to excite my friend even more that seeing Hugh Jackman practically naked.

Wednesday, my birthday itself, started off shortly past midnight as I got greeted via text by a new friend who’s been reading this blog. Actually, it was more that just a greeting, as we... uhm... sort of had... uhm... sex. Gasp! Well, actually, what started out as an innocent phone conversation turned explicit and... well, you know the rest. It was the safest sex there is, without even needing to unroll a rubber over the phone. Sexy, safe and fun. Now that was a hell of a birthday gift.

The rest of the day was spent at home, as usual, sleeping, channel surfing, happily munching on left-over slices of pizza and chocolate mousse. Mababaw lang ako, baket ba?

Friends were a huge part of that day as well. Most of my BFFs were a bit down in the dumps that day, which is really no problem for me. It wasn’t that I was happy that they were sad, but rather, I was happy that I could be there to help ease the burden, or at least try to. I know I’ll sound like such a schmuck if I say that making loved ones happy makes me happy. But that’s the truth.

As expected, I got birthday greetings galore – from relatives, from former classmates, from online friends, from an ex-boyfriend, from a couple of my old fuck buddies, and even from some fubus and friends overseas! I usually despise people making such a big deal about my birthday, but I know this year was different... I was just thankful.

Even until the days following, my birthday dragged on. The owner of the company I work for sent me a text greeting, and even took time to get me a gift. And take note, this is a seventy-plus year old lady, with the help of her fifty-plus year old buddy, so I was a bit surprised.

And Friday night, I got what I consider my ultimate gift, as Positivism’s second issue went live. Paki nyo? Assuming ako eh! I was amazed, giddy, and anxious all the same time.

So truly, this was a birthday week to remember. The worst part may have been my mom wondering why I was on leave from work, and taking a full minute to realize that it was my birthday. But it was fine, no harm done. The day wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t need it to be. It was a day – and a year – that was just more that I could have ever asked for. The year of life was already a gift. And that just made it a very Happy Birthday.


Turismoboi said...

a very long happy bday ghaling!

PinoyPoz said...

Thanks pareng Tur!

Anonymous said...

happy birthday! been reading this blog since it was aired on gma sevens show...

keep it up!

Anonymous said...

bro, i will treat you for a meal.

my e-mail add is

hope to meet you soon. ingat!

Anonymous said...

Belated Happy Birthday! Take care always. I wish you good health! - Naruto

daned said...

hello pinoypoz... happy birthday.. i dont know how to make you smile even a bit, after the surprise celebration given to you. but m sure, the happiness that you have right now is something that you didnt expect to come. with or without HIV, happiness should not stop anyone .. ONE QUESTION- did mr L greeted you already? if not, call him to greet you... congrats too for being the editor-in-chief (am i right)of the positivism... take care always...


cyberneticserendipity said...

Hope this is not too belated a greeting. To your health and happiness!