Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'm Sick

I haven’t been feeling well the past few days.

It’s odd that it just so happened to be on the one weekend that I was just home resting. I’m not sure if the wear and tear on my body just really caught up with me or what.

But. I’m. Sick.

Last week, I think the worst thing that I did was work-related, when I needed to commute from Ortigas to Manila and back just as Emong poured his heart out. I did have an umbrella with me, but it was the kind of rain laden with winds that just rendered an umbrella practically useless.

So it was chilly outside. And I was wet. When I got to my destination in Manila, they were all cooped up inside the room. And with no ventilation, and coming from a five-minute walk, I just began to sweat. Like a pig.

It’s not that I don’t sweat. I’m so used to sweating in fact, that I always have a little towel up my back, living up to the old wives’ tale that sweat drying on your back can make you sick. I just think I have nothing to lose by following such a myth.

So with that, I was wet with rain and sweat, and they were nice enough to point an electric fan at me so I’d cool down and dry up. Something that, in retrospect, may not have been such a brilliant move.

So was that to blame? I don’t really know.

Basta, on Sunday, I woke up with a headache and a fever. I was coughing, or more like barking, and I actually could hardly talk. My mom had wanted me to go with her to the mall to shop for some clothes, but I just couldn’t. I wanted to give in to her every whim for Mothers' Day, but I just wasn’t up for it.

I was hoping it would be over in a day, but of course, I’m not that lucky. I’ve been sleeping with two blankets for the past two evenings, and hardly breaking a sweat, except after drinking my dose of Paracetamol. It’s only when I’m sick that I can be sosy enough not to sweat.

Okay, okay, I self-medicated. It’s part of my hoping that this is nothing other than a simple flu. But I think this has been the worst that I’ve felt since finding out I was poz, other than the time I had an allergic reaction to my ARVs.

I’ve still been reporting to work for the past two days. I’ve just needed to finish some urgent stuff. I’m not sure if anyone is noticing that I’m under the weather, but I’m sure I appear quieter and less personable than usual. I’m moving more slowly as well, mostly because my head hurts.

I’ve been trying to sneak in naps during my trips to and from the office. It’s been tough, but I’ve been at least trying to rest my eyes. I have, though, been able to take a half-an-hour nap after lunch yesterday. I think it helped. And as of yesterday, I’ve been able to sleep an extra hour-and-a-half, going beddy-bye as early as 8:30 in the evening. I still had the chills, though.

I’ve been feeling a bit better today. Been able to get some phlegm moving as of this morning. I know. Eeew. But minus that diri-factor, I’ll be honest enough to say it feels good and I think it helps. I want to get better as soon as possible... well, who wouldn’t... so I’m considering taking some days off this week to rest. Just as soon as I get everything I need done, done.

And with Positivism calling for a celebration of sorts, I doubt if I’ll be able to make it out this Friday night for any gimmick whatsoever if I’m still feeling any bit under the weather. It might be a bit of a sacrifice, but I wouldn’t want to put any other pusits who make it in jeopardy. We’ll see how things go. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully...


Tristan Tan said...

Hope you feel better soon. Hugs.

Anonimus said...

Get well soon!

People in the office have scratchy throats too... or feverish... stuff like that... germs and microbes are circulating everywhere... I'm overloading on vitamin C hoping it doesn't hit me bad...


rest rest rest.... and next time take care when the weather is bad....get really well soon.

dabo said...

i'm under impression you've been thinking too much, in the tone of your paragraphs.

Chill out! Listen to Love Radio (talagng ipipromote ang Love Radio)or watch funny dvd (download mo ang french comedy na Poltergay)..

Laugh a lot. It will help.

daned said...

declare your own holiday - and REST.. its something that you should consider.. ingat lagi...


PinoyPoz said...

@Tristan: I need a hug.

@Anonimus: Indeed, germs and microbes are circulating... nosebleed... hehehe ;-)

@Blackpool: Yes, Sir... :-(

@Dabo: I can't laugh, tutulo uhog ko. Huhuhu.

@Daned: Thunk yew... ingat tayo lahat.

Anonymous said...


I told you to rest but you still go to work! You don't listen to me! Waaaah.... huhuhuhu

Take care of yourself please.

Anonymous said...

Hope you feel bettr! BTW I applaud you for having this blog. Youre such an inspiration!! Seen you on TV (GMA PinoyTV)..Ingat lagi!