Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Monday, May 04, 2009

I Hate Surprises

The weekend was crazy. Crazy! Absolutely crazy!

I had gotten a text from one of my BFFs, JohnStanley, last week. Hey, clear your Sunday night, akin na yun, ha. Bawal tumanggi. =) First of all, it wasn’t like I had any excuse, or any other plans really. Second, I liked things being planned ahead, so this was great. And lastly, just the way that it was said was such a turn on for the submissive like me. I could have easily answered, Yes, master! or Take me! Take me! Oi... I need a life, don’t I?

What’s there is? Anong meron? I replied. Wala lang, dinner with friends, was what I got back. Hmm, okay. I assumed it was because of JohnStanley’s recent birthday. With my One Fine Day entries fresh in mind, I was told I could bring L if I wanted to. Hahaha. If only he was in town, I would. I asked if he could invite my other BFF instead, RubyPurple. He said he would indeed like to meet his fellow zoomie. Great.

It was really turning out to be a perfect weekend already, as my mom had gone out of town for an aunt’s funeral, and I was lucky enough to weasel my way out of it. So I was left home alone most of the long weekend to enjoy my silence and solitude.

Arriving promptly at our meeting place, zoom-zoom was already waiting out front. I hopped into the back as he introduced me to his friend in the passenger seat. I remember him saying something about a surprise. Surprise?! Panic. He had to be kidding, right? JohnStanley asked me who else I was expecting to see there. I really had no idea, nor given it any thought. He let slip that RubyPurple had confirmed. Hmm, come to think of it, she never told me she was going. So was that the surprise?

It was a short drive to Eastwood as we badgered each other about our respective emo moments lately. With most of what’s been happening already laid out in this blog, there wasn’t much to tell. Getting there before 7:00 pm, RubyPurple was already inside. Introductions all around, catching up ensued. Shortly, TristanTales and TurismoBoi arrived. Oddly enough, TristanTales greeted me with a Happy Birthday, which was followed by a scolding from JohnStanley for ruining the surprise. Ngarrr. What was this about?

Have I told you how I hate surprises? I pride myself for my composure and my poise, and not knowing what’s going to happen exposes me to the risk of losing them. Ngarrr.

Dinner was a fiesta of sisig, pata and inihaw na... Gasp!... pusit. Hahaha, of course, JohnStanley could not let that joke pass. Fine, fine. But throughout, we hardly fell silent, as we talked about everything from worklife, familylife, lovelife, bloglife, sexlife, nightlife, plantlife and anything-else-life in between. Finally, the real gal in the group got a whiff of how discreet guys are together. Yes, I’m talking about RubyPurple. And she certainly kept up. I hope she wasn’t traumatized too badly. Hehehe.

At one point after dinner, I did notice RubyPurple call a waitress and whisper something to her. I brushed it off, but shortly found out. With a cake in hand and candle lit, I saw all the waiters and waitresses, if I’m not mistaken, coming up the flight of stairs. You know how restos like this have the habit of making a scene when it’s a customer’s birthday? It was not my place to assume, but I was terrified. I tried to look around for who it was, but it was too late. They stopped at our table and laid the cake out in front of me. Happy Birthday, ______, I read on the cake.

Throughout their bad song, I don’t know what kind of face exactly I had on. I wanted to faint. I wanted to cry. I was trying to smile. I was in panic. I may have blushed, if I’m capable of that. I could've done a Hatton, even. But I tried hard to can my emotions and keep my composure. I knew how bad it was when, probably because of nerves, I dropped one of my pills as I was about to drink my ARVs. Good thing I didn’t drop it into the icing on the cake.

Ngarrr. Connivance. Conspiracy. No wonder RubyPurple just happened to ask me some days before what my favorite cake was. And I had said chocolate mousse, indeed. Asked to make a wish before blowing the candle out, I was dumbfounded again. I think my mind stopped several minutes before. I just said Thank You in my head. That’s all I came up with, as I snuffed the flame out. This evening was already more than I could wish for.

I’d never ever... ever... had a surprise birthday celebration in my life. Ever. And to think these people thought I was worthy of one was extremely, extremely touching. After we went our separate ways thanks to our zoomies, I reached home shortly before midnight. Finally alone, I just needed a minute to just sit down and space out. And all the canned emotions just broke loose. I sobbed like a child.

I was touched. I was honored. I was flattered. I appreciated the effort they took to put this thing together.

Thank you RubyPurple, JohnStanley, TristanTales, TurismoBoi, and new guy. Thank you for the friendship. Thank you for the advanced birthday surprise. Thank you for the cake. Thank you for the gift. And thanks to the Po-Po-Po-Poker Faces they’ve been hiding behind all this time, I now baptize RubyPurple and JohnStanley respectively as Lady Gaga and... hmm, Boy Gago? Hehehe.

I still hate surprises. Please don’t do that again. Ngarrr. But, THANK YOU.


Tristan Tan said...

I am so sorry kasi naman akala ko yun ang surprise... me arriving, that is! :P

Ay naku friend, it was a wonderful night. I am so glad to have been there. Advanced haba birdie my friend. :)


Anonymous said...

you know when I read your post title, I got nervous. hehe. :D

Glad you like the surprise... :) Can't really say anything, I just want to make you happier (happy ka na kasi coz of L e :p)

Love ya hun! *hugs*

PS. Di rin ako shado discrete magtanong noh? I asked you about the cake and the mp3 player... hahaha... :D

PinoyPoz said...

@Tristan: Thanks, thanks for being there! Nasurprise ako!

@RubyPurple: Ngarrr. I still hate surprises. Nakaka-wa-poise. Kung di ka discreet, slow pala talaga ako. Huhuhu. Pero thank you thank you thank you!

john stanley said...

'wag naman boy gago, hehehe. i'd go for lord gago instead. =)

pero sorry ka. apparently, the star of the night is nita.

hapi bertdey!

PinoyPoz said...

I was honored by your presence my lord... Darn! Upstaged by Nita again?! Hehehe.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Turismoboi said...

i like boy gago hahaha cute un ah

happy bday again!

BadPapiNYC said...

Happy Birthday pogi. I should've greeted you last night instead of bombarding you with my drama.

Ano gift gusto mo? something that you can sit on and slide in? hahahhaha

hugs pogi.


PinoyPoz said...

Thanks Papi! No, walang problema yun... it was nice to feel needed :-)

Gift? Uwi ka dito, lagot ka sa akin... hehehe... Seriously, I just wish you happiness there. Kaya yan...

cholo Laurel said...


Puwes! mag tutuos tayo sa next friday!



Have I told you how proud i am of this second issue of positivism? yeah, mr. editor-in-chief! woot! woot! chos!

PinoyPoz said...

Waaaah! Bosing Cholo is scary! Huhuhu.

Been excited and nervous about the second issue... :-(... :-)... mood swings make me dizzy haha.