Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Monday, April 27, 2009

One Fine Day... Part 1

I sort of met someone last week. Yes, last week. I apologize for the delay. It took me a week before telling you about him, mostly because I needed a week for that unbelievable day to sink in. I needed to make sure it really happened, that he was for real, that I wasn’t hallucinating, and that I wasn’t dreaming. Let’s call him L.

L and I had been communicating via the web since last year, when he found one of my profiles on one of the personals sites. He had made clear his interest to meet up with me, calling me “idol” as his term of endearment, and even texting and calling me regularly on my mobile phone. Honestly, sex was on his mind, and mine, too. He wasn’t exactly a stalker, as he was the type of guy anyone would be honored to be stalked by. It was not hard to fantasize about this guy with all his profile pictures online. He was hot, hot, and hot. And he wasn’t even naked in most of them. He didn’t think I was so bad either.

Of course, my HIV secret would complicate things, but my first line of defense was that L was based in Mindanao, so our meet up was not to be simple to begin with. This was one case where the distance between us worked to my advantage, as I could keep my secret safe – that is, until he said he’d be coming to Manila for business. I panicked, and was suddenly hit by the need to tell him I had HIV. I sent him a text message saying I was HIV-positive. I meant to give him time to rethink everything, and honestly expected him to lose interest. But... he surprised me.

It seemed he became more eager to meet me in person. I remember thinking Is this guy for real? He called me after a couple of replies, and indeed, it was evident in his voice that he was somehow thrilled that I was HIV-positive. Weird. It turned out, HIV and AIDS were not foreign to him, as someone close to him had it and died of complications some years ago. I was amazed at the coincidence, and even more at his excitement that I had it, too. Not the reaction I was expecting.

After my disclosure, L was able to make a couple of business trips to Manila, but we never met. Mostly we ended up with botched plans mostly because of schedules and circumstances, but also in part because of my skepticism, which left me uneager to make the effort to meet him. Until last week, April 19th, when the inevitable happened.

L made sure I knew he was coming to Manila, so I had no excuses and had made no other plans. It was a Sunday and we were scheduled to meet at 3:00 pm. He called me that morning, though, and asked how soon I could get to his hotel. Eager beaver? I’m not a big fan of sudden changes in plans, but I don’t know what got into me. I found myself on my way to meet him at 9:30 that same morning.

I remember being on the MRT and receiving a text from him requesting me to send him a message if I was already nearby. Another text message followed, asking me to go straight up to Room 645. And another message after that, saying I hope you brought a rubber. I forgot mine. Hehe. That made me laugh. But of course, I was prepared, as always. I have to be.

I’m honestly the type of person who has no qualms about having sex on a first date. I’ve always been like that. And I find that having HIV doesn’t change that point of view of mine. I won’t say whether it’s right or wrong, just to each his own, I guess. I'm single, after all.

Getting to his hotel which was a short walk from the MRT station, I walked up to the elevators. I stepped in and pressed 6. I remember looking at myself in the mirrored elevator walls, nodding my head and saying to myself What am I doing here? But there was no turning back now. I walked down to the end of the corridor and went straight to door number 645. I took a deep breath, and knocked.

To be continued...


Anonymous said...

OMG!!! OMG!!!

*fans herself*

I'm soooo happy for you hun!!!! :D

I'll comment more, I just have to make sure I'm the first to comment. Hahaha. :D

PinoyPoz said...

Hahaha... Grabe namang comment yan... I was giggling (with tears ha!) imagining you fanning yourself! Hahaha.

Anonymous said...


I would have shouted TMI but it's sooo bitin!!! I bet he's super duper hot!!!


I need to calm down... hehehe. :D

*inhale, exhale*

Seriously hun, I am so happy for you! I was giddy last night when you told me about him.. like "running around the room screaming and giggling" giddy. :D

I was all smiles when I went to the carwash... As promised, I did not ogle at the carwash boys... I was too busy daydreaming about the two of you... Ang sweet!!! *giggles*

I hope this works out for you coz you deserve all the happiness in the world!


To L, you are one lucky guy!!!

PinoyPoz said...

Hay, you're getting ahead of the story na... The door hasn't even opened yet, o! Hahaha...

Telenobela ito... Abangan ang susunod na kabanata...

Anonymous said...

dear L,
please contact me.

I don't bite, promise. Hahaha...

hun, publish this ha :p

Turismoboi said...