Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Friday, June 27, 2008


Yahoo!I apologize. I’ve been meaning to blog since yesterday, but never got the time, nor the energy, until today. Finally.

I do have something big to write about. Well, it's big to me, at least.

Yesterday brought some news, the best I've gotten in the very recent past.

Let me introduce… H. This H guy has been part of my journey ever since. A silent party maybe. He’s the first person I told when I got my results. I don’t even remember how it happened, but it was something like we got tested the same week, and while he got his results a day after, mine had taken a while, as you can recall. He told me his was negative, and was eager probably to share my relief when I was to find out I was negative. But that time never came. He knew I was waiting for the results, so I had to tell him. He’d figure it out somehow if I didn’t tell. So I told him my bad news.

Now, the catch is, H and I had been buddies for a couple of months before we got tested. Yes, buddies. Yes, we were a perfect match. Yes, we were doing it. And yes, at times unprotected. So he has been hanging in the balance since mid-March, waiting for the three-month window to pass before getting retested. We’d been regularly chatting during this period. I updated him on my check-ups, and he updated me on his paranoia. Some days he’d feel some things that he thought could be symptoms, other days he’d tell me he felt he was negative. I don’t know how much of this blog he’s read, but he knows about it definitely.

Finally, he was able to get tested this last Wednesday. The three month wait to get tested may have been torture for him, but I’m sure the 24-hour wait for the results was worse. I told him I’d be praying for him, and pray I did.

Finally, the day came. A Thursday again, coincidentally. Big day Thursday. He sent me a text message, saying he didn’t know how it happened… but he was negative. Negative! OMG, that’s the best news ever! And I’m sure I had a my share of a sigh of relief at that moment.

I always thought his next steps would be to head on off, go on with life, disassociate himself from me, and just be more careful in the future. But he surprised me. In the next message he sent, he told me to take him off my guilt-list and add him to the reliable-buddies-list… It was just really, really touching to hear that. Something I didn’t ask for or expect at all.

I’m truly blessed to have encountered someone like him. I knew before that we were good together physically and intellectually, but now emotionally as well. I’m sure he knows it’s him I’m talking about. And I’m sure he’ll agree, this was a very unusual, but great start to one hell of a friendship.

At least I know one person is celebrating this weekend… And so I say, STAY SAFE!!!... in every possible way… wink, wink…


thonnibg said...

It`s just amazing how happy you are for you bud H.!I`m happy for him as well!This is really a great news!!!
And what`s more amazing and touched me too is that he still wants to be your friend.Wow,that`s admirable.
This is a kind of relief for me too cuz now I know there is somebody you can rely on,since you can`t do that with your family!

Hugs and kisses

Anonymous said...

tell H, your beloved friend dont celebrate first. coz if you guys hit it, there's a big chance specially if the bottom got blood on his anus. wait a year or more, before he can test again. doctor gave him months, because he could be aids positive. but HIV positive person can infect people and show the sign after years. but not months. like you, your HIV positive but not AIDS positive.

PinoyPoz said...

hello anonymous, thanks for reading the entry and leaving a comment. but i must get straighten out your information.

aids is not an infection different from hiv. aids is the final stage of hiv, where the tcell count drops below 200 and opportunistic infections are present.

hiv tests detect hiv antibodies, and not the hiv virus itself. and as it takes three months after infection for the body to develop hiv antibodies, this is the reason for the three-month window period between the last possible exposure to infection and getting tested for hiv. also, the detection of hiv through blood tests is independent of the emergence of signs and symptoms of hiv.

of course i cannot deny that further follow up tests may be advisable to confirm previous results.