Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Ear Drummed

drumsYesterday was a lot to think about.

But come to think of it, this past Thursday at H4 was equally a workout for my brain, with all the thinking and paranoia, as it was for my ears, with all the chattering and cackling I witnessed there.

Just waiting by the door as soon as I got there, an old lady walked from the ward and sat down across from me, and started chatting with me. She was the mom of one of the patients confined there. I felt she needed someone to pour out to, so I even stood up to sit beside her. She just went on about her son's condition, that he was gay (I don't know if she realized I was gay too), that the virus had affected his eyes, and about how her other children had abandoned their brother. A bit depressing to hear their story. But I assured her that she was a hero for the good job she was doing.

Another woman who passed us, the wife of another patient, was rambling about tests and blood donations needed by her husband.

Soon, with more than ten of us sitting out there, I was hearing about everything from the need for drinking water in the ward, ARVs they were taking, donations for school supplies for this coming school opening, to CD4 counts, Pinoy Plus meetings, and whatever else.

One of the guys was confined for a "re-trial", since the first ARV he was given caused him to get rashes and fevers. So this is what I'll have to deal with when I get to that stage, I remember myself thinking.

One other girl says she wasn't on ARV's, jokingly pointing out that her CD4 count should've shot up with her weight.

I even learned a new term. Everyone there kept mentioning the word pusit, which is actually tagalog for squid. I was tempted to ask What's with the squid?, but soon realized they weren't talking about squid. Apparently they use the term Pusit as a nickname for us Pusit-ives or Positives. I had to laugh when I realized that.

Several noticed the newly painted neighboring ward, and mentioned that we pusits should take over the building because it was nicer. A good idea, if only it weren't the Tuberculosis ward. Remember, we don't mix well with TB.

Each one had his or her own story to tell. So many different people, brought together by a supposedly not-so-good thing... it was amazing.

Too bad I was called away by the doctor, and didn't feel like sitting back down after the talk with the doc. But irregardless, still amazing.

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