He’s a reader who I met and became friends with. We don’t see each other much though, but we text every so often. I received a call from him a couple of weeks ago. He broke some news. And it was great news. It would be an honor. It would be flattering. It would make me proud. But I was still in disbelief. I needed to see it for myself. Or hear it for myself rather. So I did.
What the frick am I talking about? I was apparently mentioned in a Fabcast, which is a podcast of THE fabulous people, the Fabcasters. And not just any Fabcast, mind you. This was the Fifteen Favorite Blogs of the Fabcasters.
Wehhhhh?! Totoo?
Searching for the entry on the site of ManilaGayGuy, I fortunately found it. So apparently, they listed down fifteen of their favorite blogs – not necessarily the best or the top, just their personal favorites – that are gay-originated or oriented, and definitely Pinoy. Check, and check...
And indeed, I was there, first mentioned! Well, not necessarily because I was the best, or the kulelat at that. I was just lucky to come first in alphabetical order. Hehehe. I’ll take it!
Apparently, it was an AJ who nominated my blog. Not sure if this is “Baklang AJ” of the BaklaAkoMayReklamo blog, who I remember commenting on my past blog entries. Whoever this AJ is, Migs, the ManilaGayGuy reveals him to be an acronym for Ang Jojologs...
I giggle everytime I hear the part where he playfully teases, “Jologs nga!” Hehehe, everytime! EVERYTIME! He took it back anyways, saying, “Magfe-favorite ba tayo ng panget?” Even if he possibly meant it, who cares?! Ain’t nothing wrong about being jologs!
Of course, I didn’t stop the Fabcast after hearing my blog. I was curious who else was on the list. And what good company it was... Here are the other blogs on the list:
BaklangMaton
Chuvaness, apparently a writer of the Philippine Star... Wow!
CityBuoy, who has won at the Philippine Blog Awards
DiscreetManila
HotMenInThePhilippines
FickleCattle, a lawyer by profession... Ooh!
JessicaRulesTheUniverse, no less than Jessica Zafra! Whoa!
Lexuality, director and screenwriter Lex Bonife of Lalake sa Parola and Kambyo, and who I’ve met and yoga-ed with!
MandayaMoore
MisterHubs, the blogger I’ve said in the past I’d like to meet, and have!
TheBaklaReview
TheProfessionalHeckler
Tiggah'sLife, apparently an exhibitionist – interesting – from California
and TristanTales, a friend from Washington DC... but rival for the malibog at malandi throne, hehehe.
Whew! Even if I were actually just the fifteenth ranked, still an honor to be in this list!
Answering why they came up with this list, the Fabcasters say they wish to encourage more people to read these worthy blogs. Naks.
So to Migs the ManilaGayGuy, Gibbs Cadiz, McVie, CC (who I believe is supposed to be CorporateCloset), Tony, and AJ, MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT! and THANK YOU! and WORLD PEACE!
Listen to the Fabcast here.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Feb & Favorite
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Über Proud
I took a day off from work this Tuesday that just passed. Nope, I wasn’t sick or anything. No emergency either. I just had stuff to take care of.
What can I say? I’m in demand.
Hehehe, just kidding. I just really needed to do some stuff, that’s all.
I woke up and left my usual time, but in just a pair of shorts and flip-flops. I was to take a trip to the Social Hygiene Clinic in Manila. The first time again since almost a year ago. I met up with someone who I encountered thru Positivism, to accompany him to get tested. Honestly, with his nursing background, he was at the point where he knew too much for his own good. That didn’t leave much for me to do other than give emotional support and lighten the mood. Seeing Dra. Diana and Nurse Malou there was great. They did recognize me and seemed happy to see me, too.
So I got my new friend pricked, and we waited an hour for the results of the Rapid Test, which really wasn’t too rapid. Ate Malou was saying it was the routing of the results for signature that took a while. We whiled away the time chatting it up with her and the volunteer who was on duty. After an hour, jubilance. He was negative for HIV. Woohoo!
From there, I headed home to take lunch and change into pants for an afternoon meeting. I had been corresponding closely for the past few months with someone from the Department of Education, who watched me on GMA’s Think Positive and contacted me through this blog. I could sense he understood and shared the advocacy. And soon he mentioned that they were coming up with an HIV module which they might need help with. I was game... but didn’t really know what exactly I was getting into. Hehe.
A couple of weeks ago, he told me they were setting up a day to meet with me and the other resource person. Wow, so I was a resource person? I was wondering who the other one would be, but soon found out it was none other than my good friend, E! We were pretty happy and relieved to realize we would be in it together. I dunno, there’s just a level of comfort that we get from going through new things together. Well, for me at least, that’s the case.
So we met up and headed to the DepEd compound in Ortigas. We really had no idea what the meeting would be about. Mr. DepEd had mentioned that an HIV Specialist from UNICEF would be attending too, which gave us an idea of how big and how serious this was going to be. Ergo, seeing E in pants and shoes for a change was more appropriate than hilarious. I was nervous, honestly.
Getting there, we finally met Mr. DepEd, and were asked to wait a while in the conference room. Soon after, we were joined by four other ladies from the DepEd, as well as the pretty, statuesque German lady from UNICEF. This is really is it. Gulp. It turned out, this was for a Training of Trainers thing on HIV issues, set for November and December, for faculty and student leaders of schools nationwide. I know... Whoa.
Apparently, with what Mr. DepEd had known about E and I, our reputations had preceded us. We were both known to be HIV-positive bloggers. I graduated from reputable schools, and was editor of Positivism. E was an opinionated dude who has braved all odds and was about to get published. All true, all true. But little did we know that this was just the start of our proving our cases that we would be good resource persons... resource persons who were going to give our testimonials, help to put a face to HIV, and be part of an open forum, speaking in front of crowds of at around a hundred. Yikes.
E and I both got grilled a bit regarding the stories of our lives. But knowing E and I, we could tell nothing more than what was the truth. We’re both pretty much at a point where we’re responsible for the mistakes we’ve made but still have much to be thankful for, so certainly we weren’t going to be sugarcoating anything we were going to say.
For E, it was pretty awkward to talk about his having to exchange money for sex, his drug addiction, and how he veered off track from his family. For me, the awkwardness was more about the issue of homosexuality and my apparent issues on disclosure, not being able to tell my family about my condition.
I wouldn’t say we were defending ourselves the whole time. We weren’t trying to be perfect. It was more of like we were trying to help them understand all the factors behind who we are. After all, this may have just been the first time for some of the people there to have met and talked to people who were living with HIV. So were we going to be perfect role models for the youth of today? Certainly not. But what I can say is that we weren’t bad images of people living with HIV to leave with an audience.
You should’ve seen us. We were handling the embarrassing questions, making our awkward confessions, shocking the hell out of the dignified ladies, making jokes, laughing at ourselves, but all the while making our points and, I believe, helping them understand. I realize now that it was such a light mood to be in, considering we were talking about HIV and AIDS. And that’s the way it should be. Very Positivism.
Leaving, E and I talked about what just transpired. We weren’t sure exactly how we did, but it was clear we were happy with what we did. We certainly had no regrets. Most would probably wonder why DepEd approached individuals like us instead of the existing NGOs. But for E and I, based on how we know the NGOs think and work, we doubt if it would be anything more than a pity fit if they were subjects.
Our bewilderment about whether we passed or not was put to some ease by a couple of text messages I received. Mr. DepEd said he was initially worried that we might have taken offense from some of the questions thrown at us, but was glad that we handled ourselves well. Ms. UNICEF meanwhile said she admired the positive attitude, and the patience with which the questions were faced. He added that he was now sure of the success of the event, while she hoped we would be indeed available for the training course. Wow, does that mean... I know, let’s wait and see. But I’m still amazed myself.
I’ve told E how über proud I was of us both, but really, I was über-düber proud of E in particular. Because other than the PSP he was carrying around yesterday, he was the man. He’s really come a long way, and he’s just such a changed man, I believe. And allow me to be a proud kuya.
So there, that was the huge adventure I had with E yesterday. At this point, it was a huge, huge opportunity offered to us. Humongous if we push through. So watch out, Subic and Cebu! The B.I.T.C.H.-E tandem might just be coming your way!
Friday, December 26, 2008
My 1st Christmas
Finally, another Christmas Day is over. It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. No sadness, no crying. Hardly any consciousness even. I was nothing more than half-comatose yesterday, asleep for most of it, only waking up and getting out of bed to eat meals and take showers. What the hell happened? Let’s flash back to Christmas eve and start from there.
I worked Christmas eve, remember, and only managed to flee around 3:00 in the afternoon. But instead of heading home, I made a stopover in Cubao searching for Baby Nathan’s family. Baby Nathan’s dad sent me some directions to follow and fetched me at the nearest corner, flashing his now familiar smile from all the way down the street. As we walked, he updated me on Baby’s condition, and although he never mentioned the underlying condition of HIV, I was happy he freely mentioned all the names of people and hospitals involved, not even the least bit concerned of who might hear him. And trust me, this was a small community where everyone seemed to know everyone else. I knew that from the way everyone we passed would stare at me, probably wondering who I was.
We walked past some kids playing in the street, and I thought it would be funny if Baby Nathan was doing so well that he was already one of those kids running about. But of course, not yet, he’s just over a year old, remember? The dad led me into a tiny path between houses, from which we headed up a steep flight of stairs. Upon reaching the top, there he was, Baby Nathan on his tummy on the floor, flanked by a couple of pillows, playing. And wow, that face staring up at me just made me smile. Those big puppy dog eyes set in his now healthy looking face could melt anyone’s heart. I sat down as the dad introduced me around. Baby’s mom was there, his sister, his lola and lolo, and his twinky uncle. And the way they welcomed me was overwhelming.
We sat around a bit as I cooled down, which was when I got my first ever chance to really take Baby Nathan in my arms. I’d been hesitant previously, not really knowing how to handle his frail body. I mean, I do love kids, and although I doubt if I’ll be having any of my own, I know how to handle them, but during the first few times I’d seen Baby Nathan, he just looked so fragile, I chose not to carry him myself from fear of breaking him. So this was a first for us.
Shortly after, I reminded the dad that we had a bit of shopping to do, for a bit of stuff for their Noche Buena, or Christmas eve dinner. He asked if Baby Nathan could tag along. Sure! And before I knew it, even mom and sister were all dressed up ready for the trip to the mall. And man, you should’ve seen Baby Nathan, dressed in his little shirt which I gave him before, his little jeans and his little rubber shoes, and even his little bonnet... wow, such a cutie.
We did our rounds at the grocery, with me pushing the cart, dad carrying Baby Nathan, and mom taking charge of the sister, as well as picking out what food to get. Some stuff for spaghetti, some fruit salad, hotdogs, chicken… the works. I wanted to make sure that they’d get some of that Christmas spirit without having to worry about where to get it from. Now hold on, I’m just a medium in all this. One of you good souls reading this blog helped me out to make this possible. You know who you are, and on behalf of the family, thank you.
We hardly heard a peep from Baby Nathan the whole trip. It was apparently the first time both kids were to go around the mall, which I could imagine was exciting enough. But Baby Nathan was extreme. He was so quiet and so wide-eyed, as if not wanting to miss any person, any thing, any light, or any color that we passed by. And compared with the sterile hospital room he’d been calling home for more than a month, there indeed was a lot to see.
From there, we headed back home, where I hung out a bit amidst some home-made kakanin and juice the lola offered me. The mom and the lola started preparing their Christmas dinner, as Baby Nathan was given some milk and put in bed for a bit, obviously overwhelmed by the sightseeing treat he got. It was just past 5:00 in the afternoon, and I had been getting messages from my mom asking where I was, because we were supposed to spend Christmas eve at my aunt’s house, so I left them to enjoy their Christmas evening and headed home.
My mom still thought I’d be coming from work, and I braved the terrible Cubao traffic going home, and made it past 7:00 pm. Barely even sitting down, I just took a shower and off again we went to my aunt’s house, where we spent the rest of Christmas eve. You can only imagine how tired I was by 2:00 in the morning. Now you know why I needed to space out for a whole day.
I’m still recovering, although I’ve already been able to take my mom shopping today. I did more window shopping myself, oddly enough, at the Baby Sections of the malls. I wanted to get Baby Nathan a baby walker, so he could see more than just feet, or a stroller, so they’d have an easier time taking him around. But I was a bit shocked at the prices at the local SM mall, especially for strollers, which looked like off-roaders and which were so expensive that I thought they’d better come with someone to push them for that price.
So I was thinking, maybe someone out there has an old walker and/or a stroller stashed away somewhere unused... I know someone who could put it to good use. Hint, hint. Nooooo! Not me! Grr. You know who I mean. Consider it a post-Christmas gift? Or us helping you clean house? Just give it some thought. Please.
So anyways, I’ve managed to keep my Christmas spirit going, which is so unexpected, this being the first Christmas I’m spending with HIV. And I can honestly say this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had. It’s like I have more gratitude for the little things in life, I’m living by the day, and I know that there is some reason that I was chosen for this blessing. Without HIV, I wouldn’t get the opportunities I’ve been getting lately, and I wouldn’t be meeting the people I’ve been lucky enough to meet. All thanks to HIV.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Speaking Up
I'm certainly the type of person who accepts criticism well. Hell, I spend most of my life laughing at myself. That's not bad, it's fun. I live on humility, and that's one thing I'm proud of.
When I started this blog, there was always the option not to allow comments to be posted on my entires. But hey, why the hell wouldn't I? Even now, each comment left has an option for me to delete it, something that I don't think I'll do unless it's something really really offensive or irrelevant.
So with that said, I'm not planning on deleting any comments posted... But that doesn't mean I can't react. Hehehe.
This morning, I opened the day with three new comments left on one of my entries, apparently by one and the same person. I just felt the need to... uhm, I don't know what better word to use... defend myself. Okay, maybe clarify would be a good word. So here goes my... clarification.
Anonymous said...
i am positive too, and i am very happy when the doctor told me that im positive. i didnt flt bad or had a regret for all the things ive doned. coz it has doned. so now, im on the stage of exploring things in life. the way you address your blog. it seems until now you still not accepted the gift you have.
by the way im from quezon city also. im 25 when i found out that im positive and now im 28. i told it to my frend when i realized that im positive. thats why sometimes, i have the time to share my life with her if i need to. coz i you need someone who can be there for you if you need somebody to cry on. somebody will say to you. "IKAW KASI" you know that. its more happier if someone will address it to you and made you realized that life is so great. so have a friend.
if you need someone to talked to. im here. hehehe. but i know you will keep it to yourself about that gift. remember its not a disease its a gift. you should be the first one to accept urself before someone will accept u. ako ung anonymous lahat sa blog mo
And PinoyPoz says...
Okay, I admit I wasn't exactly ecstatic to find out I was HIV positive, I mean honestly, who would be? But I was far from being depressed. Surprised a bit maybe... but I've been dealing with it.
Regret is not something I normally have, I'm not the type. I think I've mentioned that in one of my earlier entries. The nearest thing to regret that I feel right now is due to the reality of the possibility that I may have brought harm to those that I have encountered. I would rather die to keep them safe.
I can honestly say that I have not shed a single tear of sadness since I found out that I was poz. Just please hold the sappy song and the mushy movies, okay? As such, I haven't even considered the need to have a friend to be my shoulder to cry on. Why cry? Life is great! And I knew that long before I found out I was poz, and not because someone told me. :-)
Living with HIV still remains something that one cannot brag about or be proud of. Not in this world that's been brewed by generations that lack understanding, and that foster stigma and discrimination for our kind. So until the world has a major attitude change, or the self-righteous die out, confidentiality and anonymity are my friends.
HIV is a disease, but I regard it as a blessing. I mentioned it before in an earlier post. It's not normal to have HIV, but it's not abnormal. It's not ordinary. It's extraordinary. I'm special. And it's an honor to be able to share my life with you.
So there. I'm just not sure who misunderstood who. If Anonymous was reading the same blog I was writing. If he or she didn't read from the beginning. If some things were getting lost in translation.
I admit I'm no expert on living with HIV, but then give me a break. I'm just barely two months into this, I still have a lot to learn, but I think I've been doing great for a beginner. My whole HIV life is unfolding through this blog, so you tell me how I'm doing. If this isn't accepting it, I don't know what else is.
Klaro? Hehehe...
