Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Friday, May 02, 2008

The Four-Letter Word

doctor & needleHate. Yes it's harsh. But I shall use it.

You must understand. I HATE DOCTORS. The only time I'd really been operated on was for circumcision, which is not entirely a free and open choice here in the Philippines. Oh, and I don’t limit my hatred to doctors. It shall extend to nurses, dentists, therapists, pharmacists, and even the guys that do the urine tests required to get a driver’s license. Tsk, tsk, tsk, so much angst. Oddly though, I'd run into more than a handful of doctors and other health professionals during my online dating life. No hate involved there.

One other thing, I HATE NEEDLES. Needlephobia, trypanophobia, aichmophobia, belonephobia, enetophobia or whatever it’s called, I have it. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've been poked by a needle prior to this test.

  • First was during circumcision. Take note that the doctor was a friend of my grandmother, who was there holding my hands during the whole process of anesthetizing.

  • Second was probably for a blood count prior to college. I don't really have any clear recollection... by choice.

  • Third was a tetanus shot that I needed to get after being bitten by a rodent. But since the procedure involved me being in my 20s in a room amidst a bunch of kids below 12, I needed to swallow my fear and preserve my poise. I wasn't planning on sobbing like a kid.

  • Fourth was for a pre-employment medical exam. Again, shame prevailed. Not enough privacy to make a scene.

  • Fifth was for a tooth extraction I absolutely needed to get when I was around 27. A needle into my palate?!? What the... !?! Trust me, had my face not been totally swollen, I could have taken the pain.
There. I said it. So give me some credit, ok? Or at least the right to hate...

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