Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Lucky Me!

With the Chinese New Year ushering in the Year of the Ox, everyone’s been talking about luck. And from all the features I’ve watched, 2009 should actually be a lucky year for me, being born in the Year of the Horse. But I believe my good luck started last year, when I found out I was HIV-positive.

You know that I’ve always regarded myself as lucky despite the fact that I’m now HIV-positive. I’m lucky that it isn’t some other more severely debilitating disease that I have. I’m lucky that I found out relatively early on that I had it, and still wasn’t manifesting any symptoms. I’m lucky that I had a pretty decent CD4 count to begin with. I’m lucky that I’ve gotten through the challenges of starting on ARVs. I’m lucky that I’ve made the choices to get to where I am now. I’m lucky to have encountered the greatest people along my HIV journey.

I was lucky to have chosen to get tested at the Social Hygiene Clinic in Manila, the personnel of which have been so kind until now. I was lucky to have encountered U, who introduced and took me to the RITM more than 6 months ago. I was lucky to have come across E, who’s become my poz blogger buddy. I was lucky to have met RITM’s resident counselor, who, through some ridiculous circumstances, was instrumental in linking me to the Positivism team. I was lucky to be introduced to Baby Nathan, who’s brought more passion and inspiration to my positive life. And of course, I’ve been lucky to have all the rest of the angels along the way, who’ve been so extremely supportive and accepting.

Being HIV-positive has afforded me some opportunities that I may never have gotten if I wasn’t. I’ve rediscovered my passion for writing, which has given me the chance to get noticed. Of course, there’s this very blog, and Positivism, which have kept my momentum going. I don’t know if it’s entirely lucky, but my writing has been heard by, or more like criticized by, one of the nation’s recognizable journalists. And once again, I stand the chance of being published for international circulation.

As of today, I can say that my lucky streak continues, and has overflowed onto my professional side, as I’m being given the opportunity to work for a great company, doing the very thing I love doing, and being the very person I cannot deny I am. I only dreamed of the possibility of pursuing a path where my creativity, writing and advocacy becoming a career. And I won’t deny that I would love to work with people who know about and are, as far as I know, comfortable with my being HIV-positive, and I am completely flattered by the fact that they see potential in me.

Of course it’s going to be a huge decision to make, and for someone who is intimidated by change, a very daunting one. Getting uprooted from what has become my comfort zone of almost 5 years just leaves me scared to the bone. Before this, the biggest change in my life has been HIV. Heaven knows how I’ve gotten past it still sane, assuming of course that I have gotten past it, and that I am indeed still sane. Someone just loves throwing me curve balls I guess. And I just have to step up to the plate swinging.

So maybe luck is just one part of the equation. Maybe I have to be a bit carefree. Maybe I have to have faith. Maybe I have to muster up enough courage. Maybe I have to give in to the risks. Maybe I have to be willing to step out of the box. Then, and only then, can luck play its part. Like someone said, you can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Of course you are lucky, and we your supporters and follwers feel the same way about you. Being your avid follower I feel lucky there is someone like you who sees life in a positive way that always inspires me to be a better person.

fern

PinoyPoz said...

Thanks, Fern! Take care out there!

MrCens said...

i'm lucky too... that on behalf of what i did, you still welcome me to be your online friend. willing to give me advice for free... kahit na sobrang busy mo pa.

rubypurple said...

will you be pursuing other career interests?

basta, I do know that I'm lucky to get to know a person like you! :)

PinoyPoz said...

Let's just say I'm giving it a lot of thought. :-)

Che! Mushy mushy ka na naman! Hug na lang ha!

Anonymous said...

step out of your comfort zone and into our box :)

The offer stands :)

CHL

BLACKPOOL said...

YOU ARE LUCKY INDEED AND YOU KNOW THAT......

YOUR FIRST INTERNATIONAL MAGAZINE WITH YOUR ARTICLES WILL BE PUBLISHED NEXT MONTH AND NO LESS THEN THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT WILL READ IT AS FROM THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT, CONGRESSMEN AND THE LGUS WILL HAVE A COPY, THE HOTELS,AIRLINES ETC...

CONGRATULATIONS IN ADVANCE. I KNOW YOULL LOVE TO SEE THE FINISHED PRODUCT ITS DESIGNED BY A BRAZILIAN ARTIST AND WAIT FOR THE SURPRISE!

LUCKY YOU!

PinoyPoz said...

Thanks BP and CHL!