Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Befriending the Enemy

Cat&Dog?Recently, I was informed by Mr. Blackpool that someone from GMA wanted to get in touch with me. I swear, I cringed. Blackpool has become a friend, and he is completely aware that I’ve come to develop a history with that television network. But he assured me the person from GMA was a friend of his, and requested that I at least give it some consideration. It felt like I was gonna be sleeping with the enemy, argh. But, fine, I gave it some thought.

Initially, I was hesitant to give my mobile number to the guy, and didn’t even want to call him on his landline, from fear of being traced and stalked. So I asked that he tell me what he needed via e-mail. And he did. Simply enough, all he wanted was a meeting. But I think he drove his point when he said no commitment, no bullshitting. Fair enough. But I had my bitch ready.

So after a day’s worth of thinking, a quick chat via YM to warm things up between us, some attempts at flattery, and of course some badgering from Mr. BlackPool, I finally gave in. We were to meet that same evening. Discovering we lived nearby from each other, we agreed that a coffee shop at the local mall would be a convenient place.

I honestly was considering calling the meeting off at the last minute, only because I really wasn’t feeling well, hung over from the physically and emotionally draining weekend. But I just wanted to get it over with. I needed to know what it was all about.

Needless to say, it was another benefit-of-the-doubt thing, but I showed up nonetheless. After some small talk, he shifted from social to professional. He made clear that though they were from the same network, he could not officially comment on what happened to Baby Nathan because he was not witness to it. He assured me though that they were a completely different group from the Emergency thing, and just shared a bit of his personal and off-the-record insight on what he had heard about it. Fine. I was appeased.

He then went straight to the point. He was part of a team doing another documentary on HIV and AIDS. He wanted my input on how it could be treated, at the very least. I don’t know exactly what I can or can’t say about what we talked about, but let’s just say I used references to the previous documentaries done by Reporter’s Notebook and Emergency, both GMA shows as well, to point out what exactly was not properly done or shown. I was also able to share with him my thoughts and concerns on the treatment hubs and HIV advocacy groups, some of which he was able to visit already.

After a lot more talking, my drinking my ARVs in front of him signaled that the meeting begin wrapping up, before I started feeling the side effects. We finished the meeting and headed our separate ways, probably both left with much to think about. Personally, I think just having someone to pour out my thoughts to was therapeutic. I slept past my usual bedtime, and woke up an hour before I was actually supposed to, but I’m feeling much better than I have been for the past few days.

As much as he’d like to hear me say "I think he's really nice and really good looking, too", I’ve chosen to focus on the business side of things. So I’ve been giving it some thought, and I’ve come up with a wish list of points that I’d like the documentary to make. Here goes...

~ HIV is here. Now.
~ HIV has no mercy for age, gender, race or sexual preference.
~ HIV has no mercy for intelligence and social status, either.
~ HIV is not a homosexual disease.
~ HIV is not a disease of just the promiscuous.
~ Knowing one’s HIV status is important.
~ We must not fear getting tested.
~ Whether positive or negative, HIV tests are life-changing.
~ HIV can not be transmitted through casual contact.
~ Discriminate against ignorance, not HIV.
~ A risk is a risk, no matter how small. Just be ready to take responsibility.
~ It is everyone’s responsibility to keep him or herself safe.
~ HIV does not kill.
~ HIV is not a debilitating disease.
~ People living with HIV & AIDS can still be productive.
~ HIV is a big deal, but can be dealt with.

That’s just as far as I’ve been able to go. I might come up with more. Or you might have some ideas. Sound them out. That’s the least we can do to make sure this is done right this time.

Awareness, I believe, will be the key to stopping the spread of HIV. And whether I like it or not, the media will play a huge role in spreading information. And whether they like it or not, we, as viewers, have the power to steer the media onto the right path. Empower yourself. Now is as good a time as any.


Anonymous said...

Hi! I do have a thing i wish you can include in your wish list, and eventually to the documentary. I'd wish for the legal aspect of HIV and AIDS to be given attention. I know there's a law protecting concerned parties. However, i'm not sure if the positive people are aware of this law and if they are fully exercising their rights and protection provided for by the law. Also, if there are currently pending legislative works concerning HIV and AIDS in the country. I think that this different kind of attack will create a sense of 'facing the now and dealing with the future', which is needless to say has never been thought of by any documentarist. Thanks!

PinoyPoz said...

Point well taken, thanks! But, considering that we are in a country where HIV is still mainly taboo, it might be too far a leap ahead to go straight to that part of the law.

If you really investigate R.A. 8504, you'll see that it's not merely a law that protects positives. More importantly, it aims to stop the virus by keeping the negative negative. How? Among others, by increasing awareness among the general population through HIV education campaigns. Again, awareness, I think, is the best place to start. :-)

MrCens said...

bitch also forgave me when i posted humiliating comment from one of his blogs that was related on this topic.

kahit na gusto na akong patayin ng ibang commenters nya dahil sa nasulat ko...

Anonymous said...

Your desire to educate your neighbour, countrymen and online readers is really something to cherish but mate I suggest you research first. A positive HIV status indeed is a shocking discovery as it kills off the very fibre of his hopes and dreams. But how sure are you that HIV really causes AIDS? How sure are you that medications do more good than harm?

"Discriminate against ignorance, not HIV." True indeed but only if you know enough. Knowing all facets of this thing is the best defence you can have in fighting it off - if it's even worth fighting HIV. AIDS, yes. HIV, don't hold your breath on it.

Watch this and try to suppress your bias. Be critical and see who's logic is more plausible.


Lionheart : Richard the Adventurer said...

Sana maging okey na 'yan...

Sa Psych na ako naka assign ngayon....

PinoyPoz said...

teehee... here we go again... yep i've heard of this... but personally, i think first and foremost it is my doctor that must be convinced of the "myth", because i'm just letting my doctor do her job. and with all the heart she's putting into taking care of us, it's not hard for me to put my full trust in her. but thanks anyways.

G said...

i'd rather believe in science than in myths.

Anonymous said...

G, what is science for you?

Science is based on truths and facts. For one thing to be considered as a fact or truth, you need to prove that a theory is as much right as it is wrong. A theory until proven true based on scientific tests will forever remain as theory, much in the same way that HIV is the THEORETICAL case of AIDS. Dare yourself, find one study that convincingly states that HIV is the cause of AIDS.

If you can't prove a theory is wrong, that is good. If you can't prove a theory to be correct, that is as far as the theory can go. However, if people are being prevented from exposing the falacies, even shortcomings of a "long held belief" then that is not science anymore. It is called Politics.

People to consider; Galileo, Darwin, Einstein, Duesberg -- who all got ridiculed because of their beliefs.

Compare them with Gallo -- the bollocks, fraudster and theft -- that everybody thought was responsible for the discovery of HIV and was hailed hero of 1983. I bet you still believe it was Gallo who discovered HIV. But then again you might not know anything about that bloody damn thing, right mate? Look again, it was Dr. Luc Montagnier who discovered the bloody thing called LAV/HIV and even Luc said HIV may possibly not even cause a disease in a person's lifetime. He now thinks that a co-factor must be present.

Where is your science now?

As a journalist (I'm assuming) why not ask Liam Scheff, Janine Roberts or Celia Farber and see the other side of AIDS that mainstream journalists keep on ignoring. I can provide their emails if you're interested.

You can read them at

PinoyPoz said...

Hmm. I'm tempted to wonder why you have to get so mad and judgmental at people who have beliefs different from yours.

You are not being prevented from exposing what you believe are fallacies. There just may be more proper forums for your ranting.

There's a lot of information on beliefs that HIV causes AIDS as well on the net. As such, your discussion is just pitting your beliefs against the beliefs of others.

Like I've said before, maybe you can do your own blog too about your beliefs and thoughts and studies. While you're at it, note also that there are people out there who question the existence of HIV to begin with. That might be something you might want to take under your wing as well, and maybe someday you can rewrite our so-called standard medical beliefs. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Mate, believe me when your T cells fall below 200 that's when you'll start wondering even if you are completely healthy.

Now, ask you doctor whether you can be re-categorized as a non-AIDS patient when your CD4+ goes up to more than 200 from below 200. Prepare to be amazed. There's no going back to being HIV+ from being an AIDS patient even if your CD4 goes up to 500. Also, long exposure to the sun can get your CD4 cells down. Fyi.

Do I look like I'm mad? In this world especially in the developing and third world, people will believe everything doctors tell them even if their doctors know too little about it.

I'm not mad, i'm actually challenging your beliefs but you continually deny the things I've been telling you. Sure, your doctor only has your health in his/her mind. Sure, s/he wants you to be healthy. I don't deny and never have I doubted that. The question is, is s/he well equipped with facts to handle it? The problem is that most practitioners are too busy to even read and much more carefully evaluate the published medical literatures so they just go with what is being told them by the medical hierarchies. Sure, why don't you email them and ask for published medical studies showing. Insist that they answer these questions and you'll be surprised at what they'll tell you. I won't be surprised if they start calling you an AIDS denier or a heretic;

1) Where is the proof that HIV was purified/isolated
2) How HIV convincingly causes AIDS by killing T cells
3) Why HIV can cause immune deficiency when they are found or can kill only 1 in 1000 Tcells in a day or two while Tcells are known to be reproduced 30% of its number in the same number of days.
4) Why there are thousands of documented AIDS cases without HIV.
5) Why Tcells are not used as an indicator in most countries (Canada included) except in the USA.
6) Why western blot is not even being used in Britain
7) Why an HIV+ person cannot be categorized as a non-AIDS person when his/her CD4 count jumps back to over 200 from below 200
8) Why AIDS is diagnosed in Africa without a need for so called HIV tests
9) Why AIDS in Africa is equally distributed in both genders while in the US it is 90% in male and only 10% in women
10) If it is heterosexually transmitted why isn't it equally distributed in men and women in the US
11) How come there are at least 60 known causes that triggers a false positive on ELISA and WB tests some of which are flu, vaccines, herpes, organ transplant.
12) Why a Western Blot interpretation differs from country to country (2 bands in Africa, 2-4 bands in US, 4 bands in Australia)
13) Why are cervical cancer and lymphoma included in AIDS diseases even when cancers are not related in immune in/sufficiency
14) Why are patients being tested for HIV antibodies not being told that the ELISA and Western Blot test kit inserts say that "THEY ARE NOT TO BE USED AS DIAGNOSTIC TESTS TO DETERMINE THE PRESENCE OR ABSENCE OF HIV". I bet you haven't read or seen that, have you? Of course, they won't show you that but ask your doctor and see what those test kit inserts really say.

Based on

AIDS is a new epidemic disease
- AIDS is not an epidemic disease. You know that. AIDS is not a disease, it's a collection of diseases that were tied under one common denominator that is testing POSITIVE for this bloody and highly cunning HIV.
- AIDS is neither an epidemic. Even the UN and WHO declared that the feared heterosexual AIDS epidemic IS NOT going to happen. Have you read that lately?

AIDS does not occur without HIV
- Before 1993, there are a lot of AIDS patients without HIV. That was why they changed the definition of AIDS to have a positive HIV test first before declaring AIDS. What happened to those with KS, PCP without HIV? They were branded under ICL. Look it up mate so you'll learn.

Even Dr Gallo, the bollocks who was said to discover HIV in 1984 only to be found guilty of stealing the sample from his french counterpart Dr Montagnier, mentioned that he ONLY FOUND HIV in less than 50% of the AIDS patients he surveyed. Funny? You bet. Look it up. Try googling Gallo's dubious experiments

HIV infection is the only factor that predicts who will develop AIDS
- Because that is the only thing that they can hold on to otherwise they would've an effective vaccine after more than 20yrs and USD100billion+ in research funding.

They're wrong though. AZT the toxic drug that was used in mono-treatment before and is still being used today as part of this "cocktail treatment" CAN and WILL CAUSE AIDS. Why? It kills the bone marrow, in case you don't know it that is where the blood cells are being produced and that means your immune system. Anemia is the first side effect of cocktail drugs, isn't it. Nausea, constant diarrhea, wasting are also direct effects of it. Read the warning labels of these cocktail drugs and you'll find out.

Surveillance statistics support the HIV theory
- HIV "theory". Do I need to say more? After billions of dollars, thousands of research papers, experiments, 20yrs and hundreds of thousands of lives wasted the HIV causation of AIDS IS STILL a theory. Your proof of choice ( told you that, not me.

Modern antiretroviral treatment is highly beneficial.
- To whom? To the pharma companies? It is said that they are beneficial to those who are dying ONLY because they have anti-fungal properties. Published medical studies say otherwise when it comes to treating HIV+ people with no known sickness. Also, AIDS deaths started declining in 1995 while triple drug therapy cocktails also known as HAARTS were ONLY introduced in 1997. Can't believe it? Research mate, research.

I suggest you print this up and bring this to your doctor the next time you pay him/her a visit. Just do this and let us know what s/he has to say about it. Then and only then will we see if your doctor really knows a lot about the "disease" that s/he is treating. I am interested to know how your doctor will answer these questions.

Now, let's see how much you really know about this "disease" that you try to spread around as gospel truth. You can try answering those questions as well since you seem to be knowledgeable and let everyone who reads this blog how much you really know about this topic that you are discussing, aside from your interesting life of course.

By the way, I'm not mad. I'm actually wondering how many people are being goofed right now into believing this HIV=AIDS theory EVEN if they haven't read, searched, discussed or debated much a thing about it. It is also funny that a lot of people talk as if it comes from an informed opinion but in reality they're just talking based on hearsays or commonly held beliefs.

Like what Hitler said, "a LIE told often enough and loud enough will be believable to many".

Don't believe everything I said, try doing your own research and open your mind to logical and critical questioning and you won't go wrong. That also goes out to G, who I am made to believe is a journalist by profession. Rant away kiddos.

G said...

hey mr. anonymous, what's up your ass? sheesh. pinoypoz is right, put up your own blog and promote it. for goodness' sake, you can even promote it here (with the owner's permission, of course)! the site you suggested we check doesn't even look legit. any decent, right-minded journalist will not even give it a thought. where are you coming from? i'd like to understand where all this indignation is coming from?

PinoyPoz said...

Who's ranting? Yes. You're mad.

It is one thing for you to challenge our beliefs. But at this point, fine, consider them challenged. You want me to open my mind. Fine, consider it open.

But you don't need to force me, or anyone for that matter, to believe what you do. In the same way that I am not forcing my readers to believe what I write. They have minds of their own.

rubypurple said...

crap, blogger ate my comment...or not?!

anyways, i'm proud of what you're doing and what you have already achieved hun. ^^

hateful anonymous replies be damned. :p

Anonymous said...

G, I can't believe you are flatly telling the world that you are a journalist when you do not even have that journalistic sense in you. You are bereft of everything a true journalist has. I hope you are not representative of journalists in your country otherwise it will be a big shame.

Let me deconstruct your statements for everybody to see;
G:the site you suggested we check doesn't even look legit.
- You did not check the site, bollocks. Either you just looked at the site and did not read a thing or you never really read the articles. Who's the other fellow who checked the site? What part of it is not legit?

G:any decent, right-minded journalist will not even give it a thought.
- Do you really think that is the case? Or is that what shallow "journalists" like you would like to believe?

Do you not know Dr Peter Duesberg? He is one of the first scientists who discovered a cancer gene. He was about to be given a Nobel for it until he backtracked and said he is wrong. Can you think of any other person who did the same? Certainly not Dr Robert Galo. Duesberg is the first person to map out the genetic sequence of retroviruses of which HIV is supposed to be a part of. A member of the National Academy of Sciences and a recipient of an Outstanding Investigator Grant with an annual funding grant of above 200 thousand dollars a year until he went against the AIDS establishment by proclaiming that HIV cannot cause AIDS.

Do you not know Dr Kary Mullis, Nobel Laureate for Chemisty for his invention of the PCR technique? The same PCR technique that is being used today to determine the bloody non-sense viral loads in seropositive people? In case you are not aware, Dr Kary Mullis, himself, do not believe that PCR should be used to determine HIV viral load (whatever that means). It cannot and will never determine HIV viral loads. Read a test kit insert for a PCR and be surprised at what it will tell you.

Do you not know Dr David Rasnick, a Protease Inhibitor drug designer, who himself said that Protease Inhibitors do not inhibit viral loads nor HIV, that protease inhibitors are causing AIDS defining illnesses instead of curing them.

Do you not know Professor Charles Geshekter, a 3 time Fullbright scholar who teaches African history and is one of the foremost resource persons when it comes to African History? He was the one who divulged in an AIDS conference that AIDS numbers in Africa are just mathematical models and are not based on real incidence or prevalence of HIV/AIDS.

Do you not know Drs Heinrich Kremer, Stefan Lanka, Alfreg Hassig and other specialists in the field of Medicine, Virology and Immunology?

Of course you do not know them because you are a journalist who doesn't bother to check facts.

I'm sure you do not even know what African "Bangui" AIDS definition is.

Now, as a proud journalist, tell me if you know any of these people I mentioned for you to say that the websites I gave out, which prominently refer to them including their videos, are dubious and not legit?

You should be ashamed of yourself, G. You are the classic example of the kind of people whose mouths rattle faster than their minds, assuming you are even thinking. Your words are non-sense and are not backed up by anything.

You still have a chance to redeem yourself. Answer the questions I posed earlier and show everyone reading this blog that you indeed have that grey matter in between your ears, that you know SOMETHING about the topic at hand and that you are not just writing at whim and without thinking.

Mate, it is just that simple. Either you answer those questions or you will evade it for fear of being outed as a fool. You see, only fools speak without thinking. It is pretty easy to say something knowing that you know everybody agree on UNTIL somebody says otherwise. Then and only then will you start weighing and evaluating what you are putting out there. After seeing that you are standing on a thin sheet of ice, you start to panic and do not address the questions posed at you but rather make more silly assumptions and ramblings like arse and sheesh to avoid embarrassment.

One more thing, don't ever ever assume because you know what happens when one assumes - you're making an ASS out of you and me.

I'm interested to hear your replies. I'd be surprised if you choose to avoid the questions and speak of more hollow things but then I won't be holding my breath.

G, remember this day that you've been had, burned and exposed. And you claim to be a journalist. Ironic isn't it?

Rubypurple, my replies contain more sense than all of your posts combined. Stop being cheeky and childish.

PinoyPoz, I know you are smart based on the blogs you write. I admire that in you.

I know you made your decisions based on what you thought was right and proper. But would it hurt if you ask your doctor the questions I've posed earlier? It is my fervent wish that you let your doctor know about it and see where his/her beliefs/opinions settle after. I wish you will be as persistent with asking those questions as you are with your belief that HIV positive people should not be discriminated. Afterall, you will benefit from the additional information you will learn after those questions are answered. I beg you, try it for once. It is for your own education if not your own welfare.

When western countries' budget for HIV/AIDS medicines finally start thinning down, your country will be one of those affected though not as much as it would affect Africa. It may or may not be a good thing depending on which belief you are on but I am sure that it will cause mass hysteria and panic to those who are used to getting ARVS/HAARTS cheaply if not free. An HIV positive diagnosis alone is a major factor in seropositives thinking of committing suicides, what more when they're inculcated to the belief that ARVS/HAARTS are saviours or life extending medicines but will be sold at astronomically high prices that most cannot afford. Suicides, crimes and hysteria will more than double and will cost even more lives than what AIDS diseases actually take and even more lives than what HAARTS/ARVS take.

I'm one of those wishing for your recovery from whatever illnesses you are suffering. Live a healthy life and please do read or research the beneficial effects of Omega fatty acids as well as Glutathiones in ones immune system. I'm not saying you stop your medicines as it is a decision entirely yours to make but I'm suggesting for other non-toxic means of recouping the immune system.

Watch the videos you'll find here and you might get some clue.

I'm not mad at you. Also, believe me when I say I'm truly concerned for your health. Good luck and good health.

Anonymous said...

I will be out on a travel for a week so I might not warm up with you until I then.

I will, however, check you kids from time to time and hopefully answers to my questions will be there already by the time I get back.

A great week to you all.

PinoyPoz said...

hay, mga kaibigan... oplan dedma na ito ha. salamat. kindat, kindat!

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