Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Another Angel has brought me another angel. Let’s call him U. I’ve been bitching a bit about how few Filipinos there are on, and how few of those few seem to be active. So several weeks ago, I just dropped by the site, and picked out a few to whom I sent some messages. I sent pretty much the same to each. I think I sent maybe four or five. I just said a simple “Hello” and asked if they were open to being friends.

A week passed, no word. Until I got a response from one guy. One of those simple faceless profiles that others might just brush off. But I would not be that choosy. Let’s call him… U.

U and I exchanged a few messages, after which we traded messenger IDs. We finally got the chance to chat, after which we graduated on to talking over the phone. We interrogated each other, discovering we lived in the same city. U admitted he wasn’t working, having to resign due to the stress at work which was affecting his health. It reminded me of C, who I’d also met thru We then came to the HIV part of the introduction.

Interesting how he found out he was HIV positive. He was already in a relationship with someone when they decided to get tested together. He says he’d only had unprotected sex a couple of times before. His boyfriend’s results came out the next day, while his took a couple of weeks. I admitted I knew that feeling. So there it was, U was poz, while his boyfriend was negative. A tragedy probably more shocking than my incident with my Mojo. U had mentioned that their mixed serostatus had forced them to shift their relationship towards companionship. But really, the best part of the story was that they’re still together as we speak. I admit, that gave me hope for my own relationship destiny. With a bit of envy, of course. Hehehe.

So anyways, we got to figuring out how far on the HIV path the other was. Apparently, he was further along, already being on ARVs since last year. We even compared CD4 counts, mine being 343, was lower than his current 350+. Almost the same. He was registered at the Research Institute for Tropical Medicine in Alabang, but had also been to the San Lazaro Hospital once before.

He was repeatedly expressing concern about the fact that I was still not on ARVs, despite being advised to. I expressed my concern, which he understood. But still he emphasized how important it was to start fighting the infection as early as possible, which I understood.

Apparently he had been through a similar situation, where he was putting off getting started on medication, needing to concentrate on his career. Until the time came that his health was noticeably declining, then he really needed to start on ARVs. As such, his wise words for me were, “as soon as possible”.

Our relationship is in the building stage, we had spent a number of nights on the phone together sharing stories and information, and have even managed to meet this last weekend to catch a movie together. He was a good looking guy, very decent and presentable. Cute actually. A bit on the serious side. But it was nice. Comfortable.

We caught a screening of “The Dark Night” and enjoyed every minute of that evening. I did, at least. I felt we could’ve spent even more hours chatting the night away, like dogs being let loose to play. But of course, being that we were both immunally-challenged, we needed to head on home to get some much needed rest.

We walked across to where he could get a ride, and talked some more, letting more than a handful of jeepneys pass us by. He asked me if I was hungry, which I was not, it being that I’d usually be asleep by that time. It was a bit of an awkward time, I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to invite him over to my place or what, but obviously I had given it some thought. Hehehe.

He finally grabbed a ride around midnight, and I started walking home. I was already thankful for the time and sympathy that U had given me, but it was relieving enough that I had received a text message from him when I got home. This was not to be just a one-night-stand. And the fact that we still hung out over the phone the nights following that meeting tells me there will be much, much more to look forward to from us. I like U.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

the I like U part was pretty cute. :)