Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Cold Weekend

Last weekend? It was a cold weekend.

Well, no, temperature-wise, it was scorching. Agh. Hello, it’s summer in the Philippines in the era of climate change. What else could you expect?

But still, it was a cold weekend. Cold. Harsh. Cruel. Brrrrr, brrrrr, and brrrrr.

Friday night, I headed off from work, off to an unfamiliar place. I had heard of the place before, but never been there. I did my homework researching how to get there, but figured, since it was near my sister’s place, I would take the same route and wish for luck from the heavens that my logic was right. Fortunately, it was.

I took a short bus trip and a tricycle ride, and I got to the quaint little Café Juanita and headed inside. Yes, a trike, so what? At least I didn’t get lost. Walking in, I was ushered to the farthest table. Okay, this is it. Another night of socializing for the anti-social like me. Gulp.

Just walking through the restaurant was an experience. Everywhere you looked, you’d see abubots and trinkets, very reminiscent of my packrat of a lola crossed with a shiny drag queen. I don’t think there was one bare inch of space. I’m not a big fan of clutter, and this wasn’t just clutter. This was clutt-est! But hey, it’s not my place, so who am I to complain?

Getting to the table, introductions went around. Some familiar faces, and some new ones. Bloggers. I’d really been out of this blogger’s circle for sometime now. But the occasion? It was JohnStan’s birthday. But other than being a friend, the inside scoop was that someone got me invited because I needed a perk-up after my recent single-ification. Sweet. Cold. Cruel. Cruel, but sweet.

Aside from the birthday, it was also an occasion for us, John Stan’s friends, to meet the boyfriend. The one. A couple? In love? Love?! Gah!... Hehehe, okay fine, I guess I did have a bitter side. But it was under control, don’t worry. I was my usual quiet self, even quieter because I was nursing a cough and a cold. Taste buds were numb, sinuses stuffed, hearing impaired... Argh. Eh wala, eh... Malakas sa akin si JohnStan.

Kare kare, crispy pata, fried lapu-lapu, topped off with sticky toffee pudding… what was left of my tongue did enjoy. From there, I passed on further nightlife. My excuse? I was drugged... with ARVs, of course. But the cold didn’t help. And the long day at work didn’t either. So I called it a night and went home ahead.

The next night, I had a date. A date with an ex. Not what you think. This ex of mine from maybe a decade ago wanted to see me... and introduce his boyfriend. Love? Again?! Gah! What is this, the season to introduce boyfies?! Actually, it was the boyfriend who was apparently pushing to meet. I don’t know what he knew about me that brought this on, but I was game. This was an ex with whom, despite a short relationship and a dramatic breakup, I had successfully transcended into friendship with. Hello?! We’ve been in touch for a decade! That’s something.

I started off on a bad note, being late for the meet. No big deal to them though. Finally, the past and the present met. We headed to Mang Jimmy’s, another must eat in the city. Kare kare again, tapa mix, beef and baby corn, and two servings of sizzling pusit... Pusit? Was he trying to imply something?! Well, I haven’t told this ex of mine about my status. I wanted to, but would rather just tell him first without the boyfie... so maybe some other time.

After the hefty dinner, they toured me around the MWSS compound, where they apparently usually stroll. It was nice that they shared such intimate moments and places with me. Of course, I couldn’t help feeling like a third wheel at the time, and would’ve loved to have a hand to hold as well. Sigh. We then ended up at the foot of the UP Oblation, where we lounged, people-watched, and talked... about everything under the sun... about them, about our past, how we met, why we broke up, how we became friends again… trust me, there was a lot to laugh about when it came to our history. If only, if only, if only I wasn’t wheezing and coughing the whole time. Argh, damned cold again... and cough.

From there, I headed back home, alone this time, as they were heading another way together. It was a few minutes before 9:30 pm. I know because my ARV alarm went off just as I took my seat in the jeep. At least I didn’t have to come up with an alibi for my little watch ringing.

There. Argh. It was a cold and cruel weekend. Cold and cruel for the recently single. I mean, I had a choice not to be there, and I could’ve been bitter about it. But I don’t want to be that way. Couples aren’t out there to rub my situation in. It ain’t their fault. So I shouldn’t be blaming them or taking it against them or anything. If anything, I can truly, truly say that I’m happy for both of the couples I spent last weekend with. Really. Frost my heart... I mean, cross my heart.

So at this point, I’m imbibing positivism... Love. It’s there. I still love it. Love, love, love, love, love. Bring it on. But first, let me... defrost.


Juan de la Cruz said...

don't you just hate it when life ribs you, teases you?! hehe.

hmmmm... go and defrost ice king. :)

arkin said...

a walk in the past is refreshing, i think. :) i do hope couples can stay in their rooms nalang please. be sensitive. hahaha

fishinthepacific said...

Cafe Juanita? sa kapitolyo? hehe that's just a block away from my place hehe