Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Friday, January 01, 2010

New Year, New Gen

HappyNewYear!Remember the newbie boy who joined us last Saturday at our post-Christmas thing? He’d actually just been diagnosed in November at a private clinic, and had been referred to San Lazaro Hospital. But armed with some concerns which I won’t discuss in detail, he wanted to know his other options. So I volunteered to take him to RITM. We had agreed to go on December 28th, Monday, but he begged off at the last minute as he wasn’t feeling well. Bummer.

But I decided to go visit RITM all the same, since I needed to take some gifts from Positivism for the people there. Besides, my new BFF GreenFrog was planning to go as well. So I made the trip. There, I left my package with Ate, and waited for word from the BFF. While waiting, Ate introduced me to the only other pusit who was there. Surprisingly, upon hearing my name, he had this funny look on his face as if it meant something. Hmm. His name sounded familiar to me as well.

After some questions and answers, we figured out that I had been chatting and texting with him and his friend since he got diagnosed late this year. So he was sort of one of my “kids”. We’d finally met. Funny coincidence, don’t cha think? He also lives a stone’s throw away from where BFF and I do, so I thought he could come along on our next “northern exposure”.

From there, he tagged along with me to the lounge-slash-clinic to meet GreenFrog and another of our Saturday night friends. Together, the four of us had an early lunch at Festival Mall, from where we all headed back up north. I spent the afternoon resting, during which I got a text from my newbie boy requesting I accompany him to RITM the next day. Two days at the RITM in a week? Well, I had nothing else planned, so, okay.

The following day I ran a few errands early in the morning before heading to meet my newbie at the Ayala MRT station. Within an hour, we were at RITM. He wasn’t exactly decided on signing up with RITM just yet. He was just planning on conducting an ocular so he’d have some options to weigh. But based on how well he fit into our little Saturday group, several of us agreed he belonged at the RITM. Not that we’re exclusive to some type or something, but he’d instantly be armed with a headstart of six friends should he decide on the RITM to be his HIV hub.

Upon getting there and heading to the clinic, guess who I chanced upon there? It was U! It was my U! If you don’t remember U, he’s the guy who introduced me to the RITM back when I was clueless as to where to go. So it was U and I, and... let’s christen my newbie as a new alphabet friend... let’s call him W. So it was U, W and I. Amazing.

Do you realize why it was so amazing for me? In one room, I had U, the guy who brought me to the RITM, and W, the latest guy I brought to the RITM. So if W was my “kid”, this sort of makes U my “dad”. Hehe. Three generations of pusit-dom seems like such a rare and amazing thing. Hehehe. Ok sige, mababaw na ako kung mababaw.

Evident in the teasing that ensued between U and I in the presence of Ate and W, this is really all about paying it forward. U helped me start my HIV journey with RITM, and I ought to pay that generosity forward. I know I’ve paid it forward a lot already. Hell, I’m the butt of jokes for being one of the culprits behind the increasing pozzie population at the RITM. I mean, I’m not infecting people, but rather, I just seem to be easy to find, I guess, for those who are about to begin their HIV journeys. Or maybe it’s all fate? Whatever it is, I do what I can in my personal capacity to help.

So going back to W, to my surprise, within about an hour of our getting there, he had undergone a bit of counselling, signed up, surrendered what test results he had, and gotten blood samples taken for other preliminary tests. And with that, W was official. I hated how I came under fire when the counselling got to the part of disclosing to someone in the family. Hehe. Ate knows I haven’t told anyone just yet. And Ate made sure she made googly eyes at me when it came to that part. Again, no pressure, but it was advised. Argh.

From there, U, W and I headed on back north together, as I said goodbye to each of them as they got off at their respective MRT stations and I made it home as well. It’s been a long day. I needed to rest. Hell, it’s been a long year. My first full year living with HIV is now over. Can you believe it? I can.

If my condition at the exact stroke of New Year is any indication of how this year will be, well then I’m gonna be sleepy and woozy with ARVs the whole 2010. Healthy, happy, horny and hungover. That ain’t such a bad thing, right? Anyway, I look forward to more years to come.

But for now, this is it. I really haven’t been counting, but W will definitely my last “kid” for the year. Quota na ako. Quotang quota na... for 2009, at least. Year 2010? That may be a whole other story. Pay it forward will go forward. More new years, more new generations. So for now, let me wish a hell of a Healthy, Happy, Horny and Hungover New Year to all!


thecurioscat said...

happy new year, wish you good heath and more love

engel said...

Hope you have a Happy New Year!!! =)

Ming Meows said...

i hope this year will show more developments in HIV awareness.

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year-Deviated Capricorn

Anonymous said...

hi po..question lang po, is it ok to be paranoid? i mean, haven't been tested but i feel like i got HIV.. (don't mean to be insensitive po..) takot po akong malaman yung result kc..huhu..

ingat po..


Anonymous said...

daned said...

anonymous (kramy25), try to discuss things with pinoy poz so you will be clarified. let that fear directs you to know what hiv/aids is. i tell u, pinoy poz is a kind hearted, soft spoken person. he cares and understands people. try to communicate with him about your fear. ingat. God bless

PinoyPoz said...

Hi Kramy... You have to weed through your feelings first. Takot ka magpatest, but you feel you have HIV... You really won't know whether or not you have HIV unless you get tested. Is it okay to be paranoid? No. Afraid is ok. But paranoia won't help you if you've already taken the risk. Just take responsibility for your actions... if you took the risk, then you know you have to get tested.

Anonymous said...

January 8, 2010
AIDS Experts Deny HIV Test Validity…On Camera

daned said...

like what i said about pinoy poz kramy... he's always available for everyone. ingat. ingat k po lagi kuya bitch ehehehe