Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Boy Friday on a Monday

calendarIt was a Monday. And I had a date first thing in the morning.

A date?

On a Monday?

First thing in the morning?

Five years ago, I met this guy through one of the personals sites. His apartment just happened to be halfway between where I lived and where I used to work. I remember it was a Friday morning that I first agreed to go to his place to meet him. And again, it was another case of sex on the first date. We were a perfect match... which wasn’t surprising because we had settled all the sexual logistics already online. So it was natural that that first meeting would not be our last.

We continued meeting almost every Friday after. I remember getting so attached to him, thinking it was something more than just sex. So much so that when he warned me not to fall in love with him, I admit, I did shed some tears… but I made sure he never knew. I understood. Well, not really... but it was clear from the beginning that no promises were made between us, and no expectations needed to be justified. It became clearer later on when he admitted... that he was in a relationship. Yep, I was a third party.

So what? I think we enjoyed each other’s company enough to continue seeing each other. I respected that he had a boyfriend on at least six of the seven days every week, but yep, he was still my boy-Friday.

So this went on for a number of months. With week after week passing by, it became apparent it indeed was more than just sex. I remember he’d confide in me about the relationship he was in, and come to me when he had problems, but he also did his part, even coming condole with us at my dad’s wake. I definitely didn’t feel like I was just a mistress. We were friends.

Even when boy-Friday left to work abroad, we were able to keep in touch. The world-wide web made it easy. He’d share with me how homesick he was and how tough a time he was having, and I just listened. Until the time came that I needed him to listen too... I told him I found out I was HIV-positive.

Of course the ease with which I told him may have been brought about by the relationship we had built, plus the fact that we hadn’t been with each other for years, making it was almost impossible for me to have put him at any risk. It was just an FYI. An honest answer to the question "How’ve you been?".

I still haven’t erased the message he sent after I told him. "Well, for what its worth, di ako nandidiri, and it hasn’t changed my attitude towards you. You’re still one damn hot guy for me." (insert blush here...) "And above all, I still care for you... and of course I still would want to see you... Hello?! As if naman I’ll get AIDS if I touch you or kiss you... not ignorant here." This guy... he was just the sweetest.

Latest news, he was back in the country. We still were in touch, and he did still express interest in seeing me again, but I admit, I was skeptical. Another is-this-guy-for-real moment. So for over half a year, I’ve managed to avoid meeting up with him. But his persistence was admirable. He finally caught me online this weekend.

"It’s making me think hard, _____. We have a lot in common... and in most respects we are compatible. Hay... I hate myself for what has become of us... I know it was entirely my fault. Darn!" he said. I was drawn aback. Regret? No way. Blaming him was the farthest thing from my mind. I admit thinking that if we had gotten together back then, things may have been different. But I have no regrets. This was meant to be. We were meant to be where we are now.

After a short chat, we’d established that he now lived nearby to where I now work. And with that, I no longer had an alibi. I admit, I did want to see him... half to be with him and make sure he was doing well, and half to show him I was doing well, too. But it just wasn’t that easy for me. I’m glad he was persistent. I needed that push.

So Monday morning, I went my usual route, but got off a few blocks from where I usually do when on the way to work. I walked up to his building... but not without assessing how I was feeling. Nope, unlike my usual EBs, I wasn’t nervous. I was relaxed, surprisingly... and excited.

I buzzed his door and waited... there he was in just a white shirt and a pair of shorts… dressed down but hot as ever. Even with five years added to the board, he was still hot as hell... hotter even. He led me into his bedroom, and sat me down on his bed... and we got to do it... we got to catch up, that is. We were just sitting there, watching So You Think You Can Dance on the tellie, just talking, reminiscing, giggling, and laughing. At times, we held hands and lay in each other’s arms... just like we did before.

If I was to say we were totally wholesome, I’d be lying. But other than some playful teasing, touching, licking and kissing, I can swear on my father’s grave that we did not have sex... of course, to me it’s just not officially sex if no one ejaculates... so there, you have an idea. TMI? Oopsy.

Anyway, after about an hour, I made my gracious exit. I needed to report to work, of course. So we sealed the morning with a huge, tight hug... and with that I was to have a great day and week ahead.

Looking back, I can confidently say that I wasn’t there to look for romance or demand for a commitment or anything of that sort. It was a different kind of commitment, I guess... just two people reminding each other that they remain... two people rekindling an old friendship... two people continuing their journey through thick and thin.

Boy Friday on a Monday... I love it.


the geek said... lang...hahahaha

BadPapiNYC said...

ako na lang ang boy-thursday mo. pwede din boy-half day-sunday. hihihihihihi

Anonymous said...

careful not to swallow this time...hahhahah

daned said...

i can feel the happiness in you 'noy... could he be the one youve been looking for a long time?... hope you find the lucky one soon...

wanderingcommuter said...

friends nga kayo ni jin jin, mahilig sa umagang date, joke!


haaay ka sweet. wala akong masabi... kundi sweet. kung ganyan lang din siguro sa akin well i will not hate mondays anymore!