Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Clipped At The Hip

It was Saturday again. And for the second week in a row, it was not to be my usually boring Saturday spent at home. It was TristanTales’ despedida. A sendoff. A going-away party. Another chance to show my social ineptitude. But I was darn excited.

And I wasn’t the only one. Hehe.

Arriving at Shangri-la at 4:00 pm and with RubyPurple still stuck in traffic, I held out for as long as I could, completely paranoid and wary of all the guys cruising the mall. I was not in a cruisy mood, nor was I looking for a pre-party date, other than RubyPurple, that is. So after fending off a couple of guys who were intent on making their interests known, I was relieved to get a Save na kita. Andito na ako. message from her.

After a little snack along with a lot of catching up, we got permission from TristanTales to head to the venue... categorically, fashionably early. Okay, fine, we were just too excited to wait.

There were already two other guests there when we arrived. At that point we got comfy on the couch in front of the tellie. Little did we know, we had marked our territory for the evening.

One by one guests started to arrive. One by one by one by one. I estimate there were up to thirty of us there at some point of the evening. I tried to recall everyone’s names and blogs, but it was just an information overload. But lemme try at least.

Of course, BackInTheCloset, RubyPurple, JohnStanley, TristanTales, and TurismoBoi were present. Also there were ClosetGeek, Joaqui, DoctorMcFitch, DocMike, and MkSurf8. Making appearances were ManilaGayGuy, McVie, HerbsD, GibbsCadiz, and AkoSiAris. Also In attendance were WanderingCommuter, MugenBlue, CorporateCloset, Jaybeecc, and JamieDaVinci. There was DatsWhy, PugNosedFreakazoid, ManilaBitch, MrScheez, MrKumplikado and... hingal... wala, I lost it. I apologize to those I’ve failed to mention or gotten confused about. Tao lang po.

It was a bit weird when introductions were called for, as everyone got named according to their blog personas. But what about me? Was I ready to be outed as the HIV-positive blogger? I really had no problem with it. As always, the less I knew a person, the easier it was to disclose.

Some had heard of either this blog or Positivism, and one had even seen the Think Positive documentary of GMA. For some, it may have been the first time they would be meeting someone living with HIV. It was funny how I needed to egg one guy on with Sige! Sabihin mo! as he found it so awkward to even say the letters H, I and V. I did eventually answer some queries, but never forgot I was just there as a guest on TristanTales’ night, and not exactly planning on turning it into an HIV 101 seminar.

I really believe my advocacy for the night was, more than anything I may have said, my mere presence as an HIV-positive person in a completely normal, social setting. When GibbsCadiz said that I looked very healthy, I just said thank you, but knew it was a good thing for me and my ego, as well as for others living with HIV as I stood to give a less dismal face to the virus, and for those who weren’t quite aware of the grim reality that You just can never can tell.

Anyway, back to me and my girl... I’m not sure at what point it happened, but RubyPurple and I made a silent pact... a pact to be a couple for the night. Eating together, drinking together, even bathroom breaks together... okay, maybe not that much of a couple... but I don’t think we were apart for even five minutes of the whole six-plus hours we were there.

We were each other’s security blankets. We had our arms around each other, were holding hands, and may just have been sweeter than the few couples that were present. Trust me, the rainbow coalition may just have been ready to disown me right then and there. But I didn’t care. We were clipped at the hip.

It might take a couple of days before the mold of my ass fades away from that couch, but it’s alright. I got to hang out with old friends, meet new ones, and most of all, I got to spend time with my gal. Nope, no chills down my spine as I say it.

Of course, this was a fabulous gathering of bloggers of all shapes and sizes... I was square and malnourished, of course... from wacky to quacky... I apologize, that should've been Joaqui, but would not have made much difference... and of every color of the rainbow, that only the TristanTales could pull off or be worthy of. So I say... thanks and have a safe trip, TristanTales! Goodbye... for now.

13 comments:

rubypurple said...

You're my guy! :D

I think they initially thought you're straight coz of the way we behave... *LOL*

I'm just clingy to people I'm comfortable with...

Was just sorry that you weren't able to meet a lot of people because of me...

On the other hand, I was so happy that we were together the whole night. :D

PinoyPoz said...

Hahaha, clingy rin ako eh!!! And I loooooved clinging to you! I don't know how to say it non-maliciously, but I want a boyfriend like you... :-D

Aris said...

it was really nice meeting you. akala ko talaga, kayo ni ruby purple hehe! ang sweet n'yo kasi. sana next time, makakuwentuhan ko na kayo nang matagal. :)

rubypurple said...

any takers? :D

*pimp mode*

wanderingcommuter said...

you're very healthy indeed... nice meeting you!

Yj said...

we all have a RUBY PURPLE in our lives... u know, they're always the tough ones, the fierce, the ones with the distinct personality of being able to stand out even at the darkest times of their and our lives...

the one that makes us think... if i were straight, she's the one.....

it was nice meeting you both...

sana nga we could spend more time para makapag chikahan pa.... ")

u know what it's been a year since i talked to ate Malou of the manila hygiene clinic, i've always wanted to ba a part of a solid group that aims to spread awareness of HIV and AIDS... tapos dadalhin ko sa school namin.... para lang makatulong kahit konti... ")

Anonymous said...

buti ka pa may gurl ka na pards :)

-- pinoywart

Anonymous said...

Bakit, saan na pala pupunta si TristanTales? pls. answer. thanks

the geek said...

i have a "ruby purple", too...she's my bestfriend since high school...i know how it feels to have someone "clipped at your hip"..

am glad that you have ruby...

and i am happy that after the long wait, i met you both...

Herbs D. said...

i have a ruby purple too! hahahaha.
it was so nice meeting you in person, sweetie. and yes- i never really got to hear your real name.

i'll just call you back in the closet whenever i see you around ;)

mwah

PinoyPoz said...

@Aris, @Wandy, @Yj, @Geek and @HerbsD... it was great meeting you guys! Hope it won't be the last!

And a special one for @PinoyWart... Goodlooking straight guy looking for a girl... Any takers? Hehehe.

Mr. Komplikado said...

Hey, it was me who hesistated in saying HIV. Sorry. Na-offend ka ba? Nahihiya kasi ako sa 'yo baka indi ka comfortable na sabihin ko yun at that party. =(

I agree with Gibbs, you look healthy =)

PinoyPoz said...

Hehehe... Nah, no offense whatsoever. It's just really still a topic that not everyone is comfortable speaking about... but it should be. :-) It was great meeting you. Thanks!