Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Friday, October 31, 2008

The Good Catch

The CatchSince finding out that I’m HIV positive more than six months ago, I’ve been able to meet so many pozzies. It’s true that we come in all sizes and shapes, but most if not all, are presentable, personable and attractive. Add to that the fact that I’ve met so many who are happily in relationships, so much so that it leaves me wondering whether, and worried to some point that, I won’t be single for long.

So I dare ask. Is having HIV directly proportional to apparent relationship potential? Does being poz have anything to do with hotness? Is it just me, or is the Pozzie a good catch?

Don’t count on anything scientifically proven, okay? I know this will sound like I’m blowing my own horn, or whatever else there is on me to be blown, but just have fun and hear me out.

HIV is primarily sexually transmitted. So unless the pozzie got it from infected needles (a likely story...), a blood transfusion (a possibility...), or from birth or breast feeding (yeah, right...), he or she is definitely getting some action. And let’s face it, getting some action means you are, on some level, sexually attractive.

Multiply that by the amount of action he or she gets. The more action, the greater the risk. The greater the risk, the more likely for one to catch the virus. And the more action he or she had been getting, the greater the chance he or she is God’s gift to man, woman or whatever-kind.

Ok, so maybe Pozzie-ness has some relation to hotness, but of course not everything is about the physical, right? So how do Pozzies rate on the personality scale?

Having the HIV bomb being dropped on someone is a daunting thing. Trust me, I know. And as we all know, people handle changes in their lives in different ways. Though for me there wasn’t really much negativity, the truth is, it’s very common for one to feel depressed, angry, paranoid, lost, or numb. But I think all that, though normal, is just a phase. Eventually, I think once we’ve gotten all the drama out of us, we end up being stronger, more emotionally stable, more mature, and more appreciative of the little blessings that life presents us.

Strong? Emotionally stable? Mature? Appreciative? Aren’t those exactly the adjectives that everyone would want to describe their relationships with?

What about other aspects? If we’ve been able to tell you that we are HIV positive, then the communication routes should be no problem. If we can tell you that, we can probably tell you anything. It’s also probable, we’ve learned our lesson, and won’t go around looking to hanky and panky with anything and everything that moves. Also highly likely is that we will love you even more for accepting us for who we are, despite what we have.

So there, I’ve presented my case. Of course, the success of a relationship will depend further on chemistry, timing, and fate. And neither does this mean everyone should go out and catch the virus, just to prove they’re a good catch. I’m just trying to point out, that there is so much more about us Pozzies, over and above the virus.

So for everyone in the world, consider finding yourself a Pozzie. If not for a relationship, a friendship at least. I think we do that well, too.

Oh, and by the way, I’m single... and available. Oops... hehehe.


E said...

your working in the wrong field friend...You should go into Marketing-no, advertising! or maybe Sales!

"Ok B.I.T.C.H. is single and available but if you call now..We will throw in "chronicles of E" absolutely free! So what the fuck are you waiting for? Pick up the phone and dial 1800-HORNY PUSIT, yes thats 1800-46769-78748"

PinoyPoz said...

hahaha... so does that mean you agree with my observations? hehehe... two for the price of one?! i think we're worth more than that my friend!!! :-)

Anonymous said...

if i was not in a relationship, i'd ask for your number ;-)

PinoyPoz said...

*blush*... oh, stop... for future reference maybe? hehehe, just kidding... i'm happy for ya!

ethan h said...

BBC will be airing a special/docu about love in the time of Aids. I guess how pozzies deal with love and relationships. They haven't posted the schedule yet but they just said, "this November." Might be interesting.

ethan h said...

A follow up to my previous comment on the BBC docu. It seems like its a TV series.

PinoyPoz said...

wow thanks ethan! it sounds worth checking out... gotta check now if i get BBC on cable :-)

E said... be honest, its hard for people like like us (pos) to get into a relationship...not everybody is strong enough to deal with HIV....

B.I.T.C.H. and I have talked to other hiv peeps and they always ask the question "when will you tell your date that your hiv positive?"

a good topic for the next issue of positivism don't you agree @ B.i.t.c.h.

PinoyPoz said...

agreed! i think you're right. it's hard for us to get into a relationship, mostly because HIV changes our notion of our self-worth. it's hard to convince someone to see beyond the virus, if we ourselves are still in the phase of being bothered or worried by it.

but... i think once we're there, we (hahaha "we" talaga...) can make the best partners, because of the factors of being strong, stable, mature and appreciative nga. Yun na. :-)

Anonymous said...

pano ka nagkaids? lumunok ka ba ng tamod?

PinoyPoz said...

Thank you, anonymous, for that mind-boggling question. Hehe. First, technically I do not have AIDS. What I do have is HIV. Second, I cannot tell which specific act caused me to contract HIV, but certainly it was some form of risky sexual behavior, several of which I will admit to having engaged in. :-)

Anonymous said...

ganun ba napanood kasi kita sa ch7 nung easter sunday kaya hanaga ako sayo kasi minumulat mo ang mga tao about hiv, ask ko lang may risk din ba kahit oral sex lang? may kapatid din kasi ako na gay at alam ko na oral sex lang ang ginagawa nya im not sure kung nilulunok nya yung tamod ng ka sex nya or not meron din bang risk dun? may kakilala ba ba na pwede kung mapagtanungan if ever thanks

PinoyPoz said...

Well, sabi nila, oral sex is "lower" risk. May mga nabasa pa nga ako na wala pang naprove na transmission via oral sex. It is said to be a "theoretical" risk, but not a "proven" risk.

Actually, since ang transmission ng HIV ay through exchange of bodily fluids like semen and blood, nagkakaroon ng risk kapag may singaw or sugat sa mouth na pwedeng maging access point ng bodily fluids. At pag nilunok naman yung fluids, added risk din kung may sugat or ulcers sa tyan and other parts na madadaanan nya.

Pero kahit "lower" risk, risk pa rin, diba?

And eto mas important, di lang HIV ang pwede. Ang dami pang ibang STD, some of which makukuha just from skin to skin contact.

Anyway, best advice ko is magpatest cousin mo, and maeducate sya about STDs and safe sex. I hope that helped. :-)