I’ve been barely half a year, I think, on Facebook. I know, right? When Facebook was gaining popularity, I was still trying to get a hang of Friendster. And thus, my being a late bloomer with respect to Facebook. But already, I know, Facebook statuses are deadly. One little peep, and practically the whole world knows.
Papi and I have been witness to that. And not in an entirely good way, unfortunately. It's been... uhm... complicated.
In a Relationship with Papi
Like I mentioned before, this status started out as a little game for us both. I mean, yeah, I was attracted to him, but we weren’t committed at the time, but agreed to have fun and link openly on Facebook. After that, was the only time we had our first date. And the relationship status suddenly became more real than what it used to be. That was back sometime in September. And the rest was history.
I do have some friends on Facebook with whom I’m not yet open about my homosexuality. Classmates from high school, classmates from college, former officemates, and a cousin even. It’s not like I still claim to them to this day that I’m straight. It’s more like I never told them that I was gay because I had lost touch.
So was I afraid of what they’d think? Not really. I am gay, for heaven’s sake. My mom knows it. My dad knew it. I’m pretty sure my siblings know it. So really, it wouldn’t really matter who else found out. But even with that revelation splashed all over my Facebook profile, no one ever dared ask about it. At least, no one that I would’ve expected to wonder about it.
Single
Papi and I have really still been in the getting to know each other stage. Lately, we’ve been discovering a lot of stuff about each other. But on one fateful Monday, the discoveries took a bad turn. Without going into details, let’s just say Papi and I had a bit of a confrontation. Nothing violent, just laying all the cards on the table. We were able to be open with each other about things and I appreciated his honesty, which left me feeling sorrow instead of anger.
The first person I talked to about it was Jinjin. I thought I could tell him because he was my friend, unlike others who were friends of both Papi and I. Tearing the friends we shared apart was never an option for me. I just won’t have it. So I turned to Jinjin, who was completely supportive as I poured my heart out.
Next person I told was E, who was absolutely and positively thrilled at the news. Why was he so happy? As much I’d like to believe that he had a hidden crush on me, he doesn’t. Hahaha. It was more like he wanted me back onto the meat market so he’d have a slut buddy around for his adventures. It pisses him off that much that I’ve been such a good boy and that I’m useless when it comes to cruising and excitement. So the prospect of having me back in the dating scene left him giddy. Such a sweet friend, isn't he? Hehe.
That evening, BFF wanted to meet up, but I declined saying I needed to rest. I just wasn’t in the mood. I wasn’t ready to cry on BFF’s shoulder either, since he was of course Papi-approved. I just didn’t want him to have to take sides. Even W felt something was wrong just based on our quick chat. By the time the evening was drawing to a close, I had Nina singing I Love You, Goodbye, as I changed my Facebook status to “Single”, with tears rolling down my face. BFF may have been the first to see the development, sending me a message of sympathy late that evening.
It’s Complicated with Papi
The next day, I took the afternoon off from work. I promised to take W to RITM for his first consultation with the Doctor. Had I not promised, I would not have wanted to go to RITM. It reminded me too much of Papi. Nor would I want to see any of our common friends there and have to explain what happened. And most of all, I didn’t think I was ready for the risk of seeing Papi himself.
W and I needed to retreat to the back office while waiting for his appointment. Getting there, I greeted everyone I knew, as one of my “kids” pulled me into a smaller room saying he had a surprise. And a surprise it was. I felt the world just stop. Papi was there.
I wasn’t angry. I was indifferent, or at least I thought I was trying to be. I tried to give him a look that meant, “Don’t worry. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. You be okay.” But he pulled me towards him in a tight hug. I know it shouldn’t have been the case at that moment, but it still was heaven for me to see him, honestly, and I hugged back, thinking it might be the last time I could do it. But he wouldn’t let go.
I was really a bit confused at that time. Was it pity? Was it his way of making sure I didn’t make a scene? Was it me, or was he wooing me back? And was I giving in?
One thing I’m sure of is that that afternoon spent in the RITM was no different from any other. Papi and I hung out together and with all of our friends there. It was as if nothing had happened. And it was nice actually. I mean, we didn’t really have time on our own to discuss stuff, and never really settled anything definitively, but I think it was the foundation of friendship we had built that allowed us to be civil. Oh, and I got a quick smack on the lips before we parted ways. Hmm.
When I got home, I changed my relationship status on Facebook once again. It was complicated indeed, being that we hadn’t really gotten the chance to talk much. The good thing about it was that no doors were closed. And we will talk eventually. So I dared to click “It’s complicated with Papi”, subject of course to approval from his side. I was surprised to find the next day that he confirmed my status.
It felt pretty good that he still was open to be publicly associated to me, even though it was technically still under the premise of complications. It will be a lot of explaining to people who will notice our status. But let it be suffice to say that all is not over. We’ll work something out, not to worry.
So there. That’s what’s been happening. In Facebook relationship status terms, going from “in a relationship” to “single” to “it’s complicated” in a span of 24 hours. Not all good. But not all bad either. I’m still a bit sad somehow, but happy about how things have turned out so far. Labo ba? Basta. Uhm… it’s complicated.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
It's Complicated
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
LG... Life's Good!
I have a new phone.
I... have... a... new... phone!
It shouldn’t be a big deal, but the last time I had a new phone was two years ago.
Wawa... I know, right?
Back in my college days, my first ever mobile phone was a Nokia 636. It was back in the day when text messaging was still non-existent. It was when there was still no such thing as pre-paid. It was when persons on one cellular service provider could still not contact those on other networks. It was when the biggest perk was that Donita Rose was on my network too. Okay...
So that was like ancient history already. I needed to have my subscription cut because I couldn’t say no whenever my classmates asked to make calls on it, and I couldn’t explain to my mom why my bill was costing so much. Sigh.
Surprisingly, that was the first and last time I owned a Nokia phone. Nokias just always seemed so blah for me. It was such a turn off to me that everyone has one, especially during the days of the 5110s and 3210s. I recall that whenever the signature Nokia ringtone sounded off, everyone would have to check their phones to see if it was theirs. So since my first and last Nokia, I’ve had instead – in chronological order – a Bosch, a Motorola, a Mitsubishi, a Panasonic, an unfamiliar Chinese brand, and finally, a Sony Ericsson.
I’m not really the type of person to need updated phones. As long as it’s user-friendly, it’s good enough. The Bosch, I gave to my mom because my sister gave me a Motorola for my birthday. The Mitsubishi, I needed because my Motorola battery conked out. The Panasonic I bought when my Mitsubishi fell from my bag somewhere. My little Chinese phone, I bought when I got a second sim. My tiny Panasonic, I had to retire when I could not find a replacement for its busted charger. And the Sony Ericsson came free with my post-paid line.
The Sony Ericsson was my first ever phone ever which had a camera. Too bad I lost it to a pickpocket just months after I got it. So I got demoted back to my Chinese phone, while I was still tied to my two-year contract that came with the Sony Ericsson. It was the longest two years ever, during which I felt I was paying for someone else’s phone. And just this month, I was scheduled to renew my contract, and thus was again eligible for a new phone. Finally!
So as my final errand some Tuesdays ago, I dropped by the friendly neighborhood outlet of my phone network to claim the prize for my loyalty. Initially, I was looking to go back to a Sony Ericsson because I really liked the last one I had for that short time that I had it. Sadly, they didn’t have any available. They were offering me a Nokia, which I still didn’t like. Samsungs were available, but Samsungs never really caught my fancy. I asked if there were any other options available, of which there was just one.
It was a slide-type, which I never imagined I would go for. Aside from all the features that I had with my Sony Ericsson, this had some pluses. It had upgradable memory, an FM radio, a free headset, plus a 2 megapixel camera. Whoa! Compared to the Sony Ericsson’s VGA camera, this was really more than enough! I didn’t need to give it much more thought. It had me at “hello”. So now, let me introduce to you, my new phone… it’s an LG this time!
Nope, I wasn’t paid by LG to promote their phone. No, no, no, I’m not bragging about it at all either. Trust me, the phone that it replaced was already begging to be put to rest. It was no longer charging properly, and was the most basic phone you’d ever see. If someone stole it from me, I seriously think he would take pity and return it to me, and probably even give me some money to jumpstart a new-phone-fund. Sigh.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ashamed of it. It’s the cutinest rootinest phone I’ve ever had. It was the most basic phone ever, but it certainly got the job done. But by now, the battery no longer charges fully, I’ve lost the headset that came with it, I’ve cracked the outer screen and replaced it with a fraction of a CD, and all the peeling and the scratches are hideous. But I loved this phone. Two and a half years with it was no joke. I don’t think you’ll find another one like it.
So if I’m not just out to rub my new mobile phone in your face, why exactly is this story in this particular blog? Well, this is my story and this, my blog. But other than that, if you think about it, my getting a new service phone meant that I needed to renew my contract with the network provider for another two years. Still not getting it?
I renewed my contract with the service provider for another two years. Ergo, I do NOT plan on dying out anytime soon, not in the next two years at least. Neither do I plan for this to be the last time I renew my phone contract. Hehe.
That should give you a basic idea of my state of mind right now. I will need to pay for the monthly dues on this phone bill, aside from the rest of my bills as well, so I do plan on continuing to work. Having a phone means I will be communicating, and thus, I’m not planning on isolating myself or disappearing from the face of the earth anytime soon. I’m going to be living… and I will be living a productive life at that. I plan to keep on keeping on for as long as I can, and not let this HIV thing mean the twilight of such a big thing called life. Roar!!!
So with that, on to more phones... and more years to come! LG... Life’s Good!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Day 6
I’m now on day 6 of my anti-retroviral treatment, and I have no big news to tell you. And that’s a good thing. I’ve been on Lamivudine+Zidovudine twice a day, and Nevirapine once a day.
I was wondering why I was given different meds from the other guy who was starting the same time I was. We had compared notes while at the RITM, and realized I got the Nevirapine which was notorious for rashes, while he got the Efaverenz which was known for dreams, nightmares and hallucinations. I was thinking to myself, “I want to dream, too!”, but just left it all up to fate.
It’s the Nevirapine that I was told to be wary of, because of some possible side effects. But so far, on a once a day dosage, nothing. No gagging, no vomiting, no diarrhea, no fever, no flu, no rashes.
One thing I noticed, is that I get hungry more easily since I started on the meds. It was so bad that I couldn’t wait to get home for dinner Friday night. I had to pass by the local Julie’s Bakery and get me a couple of pieces of bread which I chowed down on walking home. So might this make me put on weight? I hope so. This might just be the answer to my long standing problem of being a hardgainer.
At the RITM last Tuesday, the doctor asked me what time would be most convenient for me to take the meds. Once in the morning, once in the evening at a 12-hour interval. Initially I chose 6:30 am and 6:30 pm, imagining I’d take the meds after breakfast in the morning, and before leaving work in the evening. I eventually changed my mind, and decided on a 9:30 habit. So what happens is I take my meds in the morning while at work, and in the evening, just before going to bed.
The 9:30 habit was a good choice, as I noticed I didn’t feel anything unusual even while at work. Saturday night, though, I realized another side effect that Nevirapine may be having on me.
C, U, and I (Yes… surprise, surprise… C & U knew each other and didn’t tell me until recently… talk about connivance…) met up for some late snacks at the local mall yesterday evening, so for the first time since getting on ARVs, I was up past my usual bedtime of 10:00 pm. I just felt soooo sleepy after taking my medications, but not to the point of dizziness, as I was able to make my way home without problems. So in a couple of days, once I start taking the regular dose of Nevirapine, which is twice a day, I’ll have to figure out how to handle the drowsiness while at work.
U especially had been checking up on me regularly, having experienced the side effects of Nevirapine himself. He and C were both on Efaverenz themselves.
So for now, everything is good. I’m still able to work, still able to do chores, and still able to eat anything I want. Still no one can tell just by looking at me that I have HIV, nor that I’m on ARV medication. I still remain most wary about any signs of rashes. I constantly check my inner arms and forearms, where I am most fair and think that early signs of rashes will be most noticeable.
Watch out for my next big step.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A Normal Day?
It's been raining most of the day, and classes have been suspended around Manila. It's almost the end of the day, but we still haven't been let off from work.
Work? Yes! I am working today. It's my first day on ARVs and yes, I am still able to work, which is always a good thing.
I slept through my first set last night. No dreams, no nightmares. No fever, no rashes. Woke up my usual time, went through my usual routine, except of course for my new 9:30 habit.
So here I am, almost at the end of another work day. Been checking my arms regularly for signs of rashes, so far, so good. Looks like I'm surviving. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.
