Efavirenz. We’d actually met long before it became part of my own regimen.
The first time U and I met, we watched a movie together. The movie time just happened to encompass the time he was supposed to take his medicines. He had accidentally dropped his Efavirenz inside the theater, and he couldn’t figure out where it went. We waited for the end of the movie when all the other people in our row had stood and left. With our cellphones as lights, we started searching under the seats for his tablet. I asked him what it looked like, having no idea. He said it was a small, yellow tablet. I picked up something small and yellow. Good thing I didn’t shout that I’d found it, because I realized all I had in my hand was an unpopped kernel of corn which just may have come from heaven knows whose mouth. Recalling that incident still makes me giggle, with a bit of embarrassment as well.
So how was my first night through Efavirenz? I can’t really say. It’s a pretty cloudy picture. Here’s the deal, I took my first tablet last night at 9:30, along with the Lamivudine+Zidovudine. I was lights out by 10:00 pm. I left a small night light on in the room, just in case I wake up suddenly wondering where I am.
All I can recall is a whole lot of tossing and turning. I even remember telling myself I’d have to kill someone for keeping me up that late. The last time I checked the time it was past 1:00 am. At some point, I was lying in a plate of food, trying to split it into four portions... with my body. And of all things, it was adobo... chicken adobo. I do not have any particular addiction to chicken adobo. I found it a bit weird that I could recall it that vividly.
I’m not sure for which parts of the night I was actually awake or not, but I never ever recalled losing sight of my night light. So it’s either I had carried it over into my dream, or I hadn’t slept a wink. I honestly cannot figure it out. If only based on the headache I have right now and the bags under my eyes, I don’t think I slept a minute. Everything is just so fuzzy.
Hopefully, with the wear of still recovering from the Nevirapine, plus the possibility of two whole days without rest behind me by tonight, I’ll surely be seeing the sandman.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Oh Efa, My Efa
Thursday, June 19, 2008
The Little Birdie
I’ve just had my first official sleepless night. Did something happen? Definitely. Good or bad? I can’t really say.
I’ve been quizzing myself every so often with my What-ifs. One of them was What if I didn’t break up with my last boyfriend? I always wondered if things would’ve been better if I swallowed my pride, just gave him the liberty to fool around behind my back, and stayed together with him. Would this have prevented me from catching the bug? Last night, my question was suddenly answered.
Let’s just say I heard it through the grapevine. A little birdie told me. Well, technically, not exactly little. Impressive actually. I had bumped into this little birdie a couple of times before, but never really became more than just acquaintances. We really had only one real common link between us, which was my ex. The little birdie told me we needed to meet and talk in person, the sooner, the better for me according to him. Next week wasn’t even soon enough. Hmm. The little birdie really got me thinking what this was all about.
So last night, we decided the quickest way was to talk over the phone. After the initial pleasantries, the little birdie came to its mission. I had heard from my ex that he was recovering from a medical procedure performed on him. But the little birdie had more to the story. Apparently, the medical personnel were baffled by the ex’s infection that wasn’t responding to the medication. So baffled that they needed to rule it out. So they did the test. And yes, he was HIV positive. Although the thought had grazed my mind due to the little birdie’s sense of urgency to meet, at that point, I still was a bit shocked.
It was at this point that the little birdie said that I should get myself tested as well. The little birdie had gotten its test too, which was definitively negative since they had not had contact since years and years ago. So I then blurted out that I was done with the test, and admitted I was positive as well. I may just have shocked the little birdie a bit, but definitely made its job much easier. He now understood why I knew so much about HIV and was less shocked than expected.
Apparently the ex was tested around the end of April, shortly after I got my result. He had also been to the H4 Ward at the San Lazaro Hospital. But I imagine that I may have gotten my patient number before he did. My mind went back to the medical chart of 059 who got confined at the H4. Maybe that was him.
He wasn’t simply just positive like I was. He was positive to the point of infections in the mouth and lower extremities. So bad that he was in crippling pain. His CD4 count was in the double digits. In other words, he categorically had AIDS. He was still too weak to start on ARVs. I know my chest was throbbing just trying to imagine his condition. It scared me to be honest.
I haven’t really been pondering too much on who I possibly got this from, but it never struck me to go as far as my last ex. We had known each other since September of 2005, and split up after almost 2 years together. It was after that I decided I’d enjoy singlehood for a change and let loose. So it was always that time after that relationship that I considered as my most risky.
It’s definitely presumptuous of me to think that I got it from him. For all we know, he may have gotten it from me. Or our infections may not even be directly linked, and just be coincidental. Only heaven knows.
For now, nothing much changes. I'm even more thankful now for the relatively fortunate condition I am in. Just a lot more to think about. I appreciate the effort the little birdie made to tell me. It was just concerned and bothered by its conscience. But don’t expect any confrontations to take place between me and the ex, because technically I should not know anything about it. I just hope he gets better. As for the little birdie, just as my secret is safe with it, its secret is safe with me.
Fly away little birdie… and thank you.
