I’m unemployed, but my body clock is still wired, so I still wake up early. But after breakfast, I walk the Li’l Bastard. I love how I can sleep a couple of hours more before lunchtime, and doze off again for siesta afterwards. Then the drowsy side effect of my ARVs help get me to bed early, earlier than usual even. So I’m truly enjoying my break from work. I may be enjoying it too much. As much as I’m enjoying being a bum, I don’t really want to get used to this.
So this early, barely a week since my unemployed status, I’m keeping myself on my toes, thinking about what career paths I could consider in the next phase of my life. Truth be told, I have a lot of options. Only because I’ve done a whole spectrum of things in the . And in a world that demands a master-of-one, I’ve learned to embrace the jerk-of-all-trades in me. Let’s see, what are my “trades”?
I like telling stories. Okay, let’s qualify that statement. Yes, I may flunk in interpersonal skills, bordering on anti-social, and I’d rather take the non-confrontational communication in the form writing. I tell my stories in a written form. And status quo would declare that I milk this love for the language and stay a writer. Oh heavens if I could couple that with my love for adventure and become a travel writer… I’ve been lucky enough to have met one, and boy, did I envy his job.
I love sex. There, I said it. I love sex. But I doubt if there are any job openings for sex educators. I remember back in college how I loved seeing raids on callboys, macho dancers and toreros. Rather than thinking “Shame on you!”, I’d have “Darn, why can’t I do that?!” running through my head. It just seemed like a logical thing for me. They say do what you love, right? But then that’s the extreme that I may do even without the monetary returns. And that won’t pay the bills.
I am organized. Fine, I was being politically correct. I am almost obsessive-compulsive. I hate clutter, and love having a place for everything and everything in its place. I’ve actually been able to use all that to my advantage when I was doing admin work at a previous job. Files and materials were neat and orderly, saving on both time and space. And the ultimate sign you could make a living out of being OC? When you’re better at organizing other people, than you are at organizing yourself. Hehe.
I like working with my hands. And I’m not talking about sex at all. I have unleashed the inner “er” in me more than a handful of times before. From plumbing, to painting, to building, to gardening. But I would love to use my OC side as well, and do organizing through custom closets. Yes, I have considered taking up carpentry courses at TESDA a while back. And yes, if I were to turn it into a business, it would have to be called Back in the Closet. Interesting…
I have a visual logic. And although I’m a self-learned designer, I have been able to use that in previous tasks, doing brochures, presentations, branding, layouts, websites, cards, and so on. I don’t even remember how I learned to use Photoshop, for heaven’s sake. I’m not sure I’m skilled at it either. I just discover things as I go. But it works. And coming from a design firm with real graphic designers, while I learned a lot, I know I have more to learn.
I love numbers. I do. I love how, with numbers, there’s only a right and a wrong. No subjective, just objective. That’s the logic and the geek in me speaking. Again, this has been something I’ve used before, doing everything from feasibility studies to accounting. Add to that how I’ve been known to be the Excel nerd, oh, heaven. Rows and columns of integers and decimals to sort and sum, all give me pure orgasmic pleasure... Oops, sorry, I got carried away.
So there. I’m overwhelmed, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. As much as I would love to jump on the first job vacancy that comes along, I am unfortunate to have a brain that works this way. So many options, so many factors, so many decisions. And even more unfortunate, even as a self-confessed jerk-of-all-trades, the one thing I don’t believe I’m very good at, is making decisions. Ugh. Wish me luck.
Friday, February 04, 2011
Work It, Jerk
Monday, June 23, 2008
Changes
It’s been a neutral weekend. With the typhoon that just hit Manila, it more or less kept me cooped up at home, which is not such a bad thing for me. I spent most of the weekend lazing around and stuffing myself. The power outages didn’t help though.
I realize that the weather will now be a constant battle for me. There will always be the fear of being more susceptible to coughs and colds due to the HIV. I will need to stay dry, stay warm and stay healthy. Not quite far from my usual.
I’m the type of guy who always has an umbrella in his bag just in case. I am also the type, though, who will wade through floods, not afraid of getting wet. That will probably have to change. Just this weekend, being the “man” of the house, I needed to do some work outdoors, sweeping up the debris and clearing out the drainages in the middle of the rain. I tried to keep dry with an umbrella, but with the wind and all, a tough act. I don’t currently have an alibi to get out of the work around the house, that won’t make me look bratty or lazy.
I started pondering on the issue of adjustments when someone asked me what changes I had made since finding out that I had HIV.
Strikingly, sexual activity has taken a steep decline. Unsafe practices down to zero. Flirting on the net is now confined to mere flirting. Just trying to keep my online persona alive, fading out slowly in the following months, I expect. Other forms of sexuality, more focused on self-satisfaction continue as usual, or have probably increased as substitutes to actual contact.
Other lifestyle issues like vices came to mind. Smoking is not a problem with me, as I don’t smoke. I’ve never been the type to be disgusted with smokers, and have never had problems hanging out with them. I will just have to be cautious probably of second-hand smoke. I’ve never been a frequent drinker. Although I did inherit and develop a high tolerance for alcohol, thanks to my father’s habits. So a big drinker, I am, but a frequent drinker, I am not. But still I’ll have to cut down further. Probably have to have an excuse ready, like allergies or something.
As for other activities, nothing much has changed. I still take the commute to work. I still am able to walk 30 minutes a day to and from the transportation routes. I still eat the usual stuff, although I’ve been advised to stay away from uncooked food, such as Japanese stuff and even fresh salads. My guard is up, though, against any signs of diarrhea. I need to be cautious of that. Hygiene will also be important. More than before, that is. I’ve always wanted to work out, but never had the guts to. This might just be enough reason and opportunity for me to consider it seriously. Rest has always been important to me, and being a true blue eight-hour sleeper is a huge advantage for me now.
Looking through my list makes me look shallow and so short-sighted. But that’s how it is now. I can’t be so far-sighted. Long term plans are virtually non-existent, as my whole existence itself hangs in the balance. So for now, short term seems to be the immediate concern. I work to eat, and eat to live. And I live in the day. Because essentially, that’s what I want to do, just live. Even if it happens to be a short life, I will live it.
