Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Unacceptably Accepted

In Positivism's last poll, readers were asked how it would affect their relationship with a friend or family member if they found out that that person was HIV-positive. Of the almost 200 respondents, around 68% said it would make their bond stronger, 27% said it wouldn’t change a thing, while just 5% said it would force them apart.

Looking at those results, the scales seem to be really tipped in favor of those with HIV, right? So much support. So much acceptance. So much love. And as someone who is HIV-positive, I should be so extremely happy with those results… supposedly. But… I’m not.

I am HIV-positive, yes.

But no, I am not HIV.

Quite frankly, I cannot fathom any other notion than that HIV does not define me. And that being said, suddenly having HIV should not change who I am, right?

So if you suddenly like me more now that I’m HIV positive, what’s the contributing factor to that? It can’t be anything else than the HIV. It’s like reverse stigma… but stigma nonetheless. Grr.

I just feel that if having HIV becomes the reason for someone to become closer to me all of a sudden, then it probably has some sense of pity or charity behind it. And no… as much as I don’t want shame, I don’t want pity either.

I’d much rather have people I know say that finding out I had HIV won’t change a thing. If they love me, then they still love me. If they hate me, then they still hate me. HIV just shouldn’t be a part of the equation of hate and love. Nuff said.

I am HIV-positive, yes.

But no, I am not HIV.

Because the bottom line is that I am still me. But then again, that’s just me.

- republished from Positivism's Ka-Blog


Dhon said...

i agree.. it's just sad when you become closer to the person just because he/she has HIV.
So what if the person does not have any? you wouldn't even bother to get close to the person?

it actually made me think...

john stanley said...

while it is true that you being hiv+ was the maon reason how we met, i definitely agree that hiv does not define you. definitely not.

Trese said...

I am not HIV....






BITCH i know im not guilty of this and you know that..... di ba?

yaan mo iba diyan basta ako alam mo kung bakit kita friend.

Anonymous said...

sorry, but i disagree to this. People around you changed the way they treat you or the way they interact with you not simply because of HIV, its because HIV changed you as a person, your outlook in life, your behaviors, your idiosyncrasies. people around you CHANGED because you yourself CHANGED because of HIV.... Not because of HIV in itself