Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Oh Efa, My Efa

EfavirenzEfavirenz. We’d actually met long before it became part of my own regimen.

The first time U and I met, we watched a movie together. The movie time just happened to encompass the time he was supposed to take his medicines. He had accidentally dropped his Efavirenz inside the theater, and he couldn’t figure out where it went. We waited for the end of the movie when all the other people in our row had stood and left. With our cellphones as lights, we started searching under the seats for his tablet. I asked him what it looked like, having no idea. He said it was a small, yellow tablet. I picked up something small and yellow. Good thing I didn’t shout that I’d found it, because I realized all I had in my hand was an unpopped kernel of corn which just may have come from heaven knows whose mouth. Recalling that incident still makes me giggle, with a bit of embarrassment as well.

So how was my first night through Efavirenz? I can’t really say. It’s a pretty cloudy picture. Here’s the deal, I took my first tablet last night at 9:30, along with the Lamivudine+Zidovudine. I was lights out by 10:00 pm. I left a small night light on in the room, just in case I wake up suddenly wondering where I am.

All I can recall is a whole lot of tossing and turning. I even remember telling myself I’d have to kill someone for keeping me up that late. The last time I checked the time it was past 1:00 am. At some point, I was lying in a plate of food, trying to split it into four portions... with my body. And of all things, it was adobo... chicken adobo. I do not have any particular addiction to chicken adobo. I found it a bit weird that I could recall it that vividly.

I’m not sure for which parts of the night I was actually awake or not, but I never ever recalled losing sight of my night light. So it’s either I had carried it over into my dream, or I hadn’t slept a wink. I honestly cannot figure it out. If only based on the headache I have right now and the bags under my eyes, I don’t think I slept a minute. Everything is just so fuzzy.

Hopefully, with the wear of still recovering from the Nevirapine, plus the possibility of two whole days without rest behind me by tonight, I’ll surely be seeing the sandman.

9 comments:

E said...

omg! i think id love Efavirenz hehehehhehehe!

PinoyPoz said...

Hahaha, I'm sure you would! At leas I haven't gotten up wondering where I am or what I've been doing... pretty tolerable so far...

Anonymous said...

Please check this website and I hope you can listen to the podcast. There is another side to all this.

http://aras.ab.ca/podcast/howpositive.html

PinoyPoz said...

Thanks Anonymous. I listened to a bit of it, but I have nothing to say about your link. It's too controversial, too far from my present personal concerns, too far from the scope of this blog, and just not going to help my cause at all.

It's like I'm trying to deal with the problems of living on a round planet, and you're trying to tell me it's actually flat. I dunno. It just pissed me off. Sorry.

I leave it up to the readers.

dodong said...

I think its a great idea to keep myself up at work. Can't avoid dozing off usually at 2am, or after lunchbreak. I'd probably recommend it to other sleepers in the office. wink wink.

I'm hoping for your wellness. I'm glad that you have been conscientious in taking your medications.

PinoyPoz said...

Hmmm, wouldn't a cup of coffee just be a tad easier? :-)

Thanks Dodong...

Kiks said...

hmmm, he sounds promising.

i will stick with Kaletra though.

until doc says, "Shift."

jun said...

I stumbled upon your blog and I want you to know that I really like it. You write well and you're very sensible. You are writing on a topic that is closest to your heart and, in the process, you carry us with you most sincerely in your journey. Thank you for all the information and the stories. By writing about your current experience, you are making a difference in the lives of others, your readers, in a big, positive (pun also intended:-)) way. Keep it on.

Anonymous said...

"thank you" the only thing that my heart wants to say after reading your blog... I've been struck by what you've written here and this leads me to being cautious about any actions that i will be choosing to carry out. Your blog really reflects your will in this planet and I know God is faithful to your will. This came into your life for a reason and i hope you'll overcome this struggle that youre facing... Anyways, im a 21 year old man, same as yours-gay. I've learned a lot from you.. "Thank you"