Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Dream, Dream, Dream

DreamI haven’t really been able to blog lately, not by any choice of my own, I was just literally physically unable to blog.

I had taken the trip out to the RITM mid-week last week. Half of my purpose was to introduce my new friend to the RITM, as he’d be starting his own journey very soon. The other half of my purpose was to update them on how I was doing with my meds.

I had started my double dose September 2nd, and was experiencing low-grade fevers the two days following. Sadly we didn’t catch the doctor, since she had a personal emergency she had needed to take care of. Instead Ate contacted her via mobile, and it was agreed that I’d try to continue the medication, and if anything else comes up or gets worse, I’d just inform them and they’d decide whether I was to stop or not.

And indeed, worse was it. Friday caught me down with the weather at work, where I was struggling to get through even the final few hours at work. I had a fever, which felt worse than my usual. I didn’t have my thermometer with me, so I had no way of telling. I had even gone up to the lobby of an upper floor to rest my eyes. I was feeling that bad.

Getting home, I locked myself in my room, and my trusty thermometer read a 39-degree fever. Still I wouldn’t give up and continued taking my medicines that evening.

Saturday morning came, and I still had the fever, this time it was up to 40 degrees. I realized that my thermometer could only read up to 42 degrees, so I was pretty alarmed. I didn’t even mind that it was just 7 in the morning, I sent a text message to Ate, to which she immediately replied for me to stop the Nevirapine and report to the RITM come Monday.

You’d think my problems were over, but the fever was hell. I felt half-dead and half-dying. Having no airconditioning, no fan, layered with a sweater and a blanket did nothing. The chills were coming from deep inside. I felt I needed to swallow a blanket or kill whatever vents were inside me. I just felt helpless.

I was locked in my room most of the weekend, tossing and turning in discomfort, sneaking in an occasional cold shower to disperse the fever I was experiencing. Monday, I called in to work sick, and just headed to the RITM in the afternoon. I still had a significant fever, and my body just felt so heavy. Each step felt ten times more of an effort to make. I figure I must’ve been walking like I had a hangover.

The verdict? The doctor concluded I was showing allergic reactions to the Nevirapine. Though I didn’t really see signs of being counted as the 103rd Dalmatian, the doctor did notice I was reddish around the face, something which I do not normally get, as I can only be dark or darker. I was just lucky enough I guess that it was an even color, something less noticeable that the kinds of rashes I’ve seen.

I ended up surrendering what Nevirapine I had left, which was one unopened bottle and about half of another, trading it in for my new best friend, Efavirenz. Yes, yes, the dreaming drug. One huge difference is that it’s only taken once a day. Some things I was told to watch out for are dizziness and the dreams, of course. Some people describe the dreams as very realistic, in full-color, plus they say the dreams are usually resumed in cases where you wake up in the middle of one. The doctor also warned me that in standard drug tests, Efavirenz causes false positives for Marijuana, which is never a good thing. So if ever the need arises, it should be advised to the laboratory prior, so they can proceed to a confirmatory test, for which it should turn out negative. Good thing I’m not due to get my license renewed for another three years.

As I’m writing this, I’m feeling a bit better. Less of a headache, and lower fever. I’m hoping this is a good sign, so I can report back to work tomorrow. For now, I’m almost due for my first dose of my new regimen. And boy, am I ready to dream!


E said...

cool..I think I would want and enjoy Efavirenz hehehehehe can you crush it and snort it instead?hehehehe....hmmm let me know the dreams ok?

I'm glad that you are feeling better now :-) Thank you for this info. You are an angel!


hi there pinoypoz. i always read your post everytime i come back from work and ita about 5am here in tokyo now.

i am praying that you will be able to have the strength and the will to deal with life now that you are in the stage where you are properly medicated by the doctors.

you such great strength and i will share this blog to all the hiv positive people who has been sending me messages on how they will be able to cope up with what life is in store for them.

i together with my colleagues are forming a group for hiv positive people. this is not going to be a group that will capitalize on the pos people. we are even going to keep our mouth shut that we will be serving others. reason why im reading your posts is because i want to share to others what kind of strength you have when you face all these.

i hope that youll have more courage and the drive to live..... for now what i can offer you are my daily prayers that youll be able to cope up with your illness. you take care and dont tire yourself too much. always remember that MIRACLES are true very true it happens...... god is watching you.

Anonymous said...

Thans for sharing your experiences. continue to fight your disease. My thoughts and prayers are with you.