Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Beating Monday Blues

MondayBluesYesterday was a Monday. We all know how Mondays are. The first day of the week. A battle to recover from the weekend that just passed. An attempt to jumpstart the week ahead. This Monday didn’t seem any different. The cold December air made things worse. Morning showers are much harder to get into these days, aren’t they? I left the house realizing too late that I’d forgotten the bracelet and the ring that I wear every single day. The first time it’s ever happened since I got them. That was just not a good sign of things to come.

Morning rush hour was worse than usual. Must be a Christmas thing. Of course, since I’ve been daring to ride buses to work for some time now, I experienced every minute and inch of that traffic. My only consolation would’ve been the cool weather. But midway during the trip, I started cursing the cool weather when I felt the need to pee and had to hold it in until I got to the office. Good thing I made it. I got to work half an hour later than usual.

Work was not any better. It was a slow day, and everyone seemed like they were in vacation mode already. And sniffing and snorting my way through the day didn’t help either. The sniffles that I brought back from Cebu still haven’t gone away totally yet. Argh.

At about 5:00 pm, I got a text from a friend in the neighboring office asking if we could leave together. He’s not exactly a new friend, but an unexpected one. He actually heard that I was HIV-positive and approached me one day with much curiosity, and we’ve been close ever since. Everyone else seems to think that we clicked because something romantic is going on between us, which just isn’t the case. And today, since I’d been wanting to go check out a mall that was on his route home, I agreed to his proposition.

We were chatting in the jeep the whole way to the mall. There, we leafed through the huge collection of bootlegged DVDs – shh, don’t tell the OMB – and we ended up buying a couple of movies each. From there we headed out ready to go our separate ways. We were walking to where we were going to get separate rides, when he asked me if I was in a hurry. He wanted to buy something at the grocery and asked me to go with him for another few minutes.

We were walking to the entrance of the grocery when I spotted someone I thought I knew. This guy happened to be walking beside me to the door. I actually wasn’t 100% sure it was him, but I don’t know what got into me. I put my hand around his shoulder, which prompted him to look at me. He smiled, not because he recognized me, but because of the gesture. Seeing his face, I was a bit more convinced he was the guy, but I was quiet, trying to recall his name. It came to me quickly, just as the guard was about to inspect my bag, “Ikaw si _____, diba?” Silence.

Yes,” was the next thing I heard. It was clear he was wondering why I knew him. “Ako si _____,” I said, reminding him who I was, and offering a handshake with it. A sigh of relief. We’d finally met. We’d finally, finally met.

This guy is actually a fellow pozzie who I’ve been chatting with for over a year already I think. We’re linked on Facebook and other places, so we did have some idea of what the other looked like. Oh I’ve even seen him on webcam... nope I just watched him sleep when he forgot to turn his cam off.

We’ve probably talked about everything under the sun already, from family to poz life, and from love to sex. He mostly likes to tease me about my YM id. And I tease back. Sexually, we would be a match. But I see him more as a little brother. He’s a couple of years older than I am, but looks-wise, he could pass as someone a decade younger. Amazing, right?

What really prompts me to see him as a little brother is his stature. He’s a petite guy. Petite, but all man. He’s always said he’s a shy and quiet guy, but talking with him, his maturity shows and his huge heart shines through his mysterious exterior. I always knew we would get along well.

We had actually just been chatting earlier in the day, talking about how we should finally meet for the first time, before he left the country end of the month. Of course he didn’t let the chance pas to tease me again about my YM id. He dared me to meet up. No reason why we shouldn’t meet. We just never thought it would happen so quickly and so unexpectedly.

It was a really quick meet mostly because it wasn’t really planned. But the quickie was enough to keep me smiling all the way home. I found it hilarious how the heavens work sometimes. What if my friend from the office didn’t suggest we leave together? What if we got there a minute earlier or a minute later? What if I didn’t accompany him to the grocery? What if I brushed the guy off as just a look-alike? What if I didn’t muster up the guts to put my arm around him? What if I chickened out of talking to the guy? What if the world wasn’t that small? What if, what if, what if?

The right time, the right place. It was all really just fate. Destiny. Serendipity. A hell of a stroke of luck. I’ve mushed myself all over him already yesterday via text messages, telling him how happy I was that we’d finally met, and how everything was meant to be, and how absolutely adorable he really is. I know, right? I’m a schmuck. But really, if you saw my face the whole ride home, you’d know it really made my day. Hay... ain’t Mondays and life just grand?


Anonymous said...

i made your MONDAY!
you made my TUESDAY by this post!

but made my HOLIDAYS :)

PinoyPoz said...

Argh... Sweet lil bro... :-)

Anonymous said...

jelly ako! =p


Aris said...

Pasingit lang po ng pagbati. Merry Christmas! :)