Yes, I'm gay. I probably was since the day I was born. On my 21st birthday, I sort of had my debut. I came out to my parents. A little drama from mom, and some indifference from dad. An above-average coming out. Almost perfect.

Nine years later, two weeks before my 30th birthday, I found out... I'M HIV POSITIVE.

And so my story begins... I'm BACK IN THE CLOSET.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Papi Firsts

Papi and I planned to go on a date Saturday. I was dead set on watching KimmyDora, and I was dead set on watching it with him. Yes, it was a date, and it would be our first. It was made clear that it was to be a date-date, not a sex-date... a conviction that would force me to beat my meat beforehand, just to make sure I won’t be cum-brained during the date. I’d also be leaving my condoms home, just to drive the point further. Does it sound boring already?

Friday, I got invited along with a bunch of peeps from work to watch KimmyDora. I did say I had plans of watching it the next day with Papi and begged off. So it was agreed that I'd just join them for dinner before they went to the screening. Thanks to the dreadful traffic of Makati, we got to Glorietta with no time to spare for dinner. So I got persuaded to join them for the movie. But Papi? He was pissed. I think we had our first LQ... lovers’ quarrel... based on the premise that we were lovers.

I was apologizing to Papi via text, but I felt his frustration. And certainly, it was my fault. Yeah, sure, the movie was great and a lot of fun. But heaven knows I couldn’t help but feel bothered. I feared the worst... Papi had all the reasons to call off our date. And there would’ve been no one to blame but me.

The next morning, I still wasn’t sure whether our date would push through. I greeted him that morning with a text message, expecting the worst. It wasn’t until he replied with his usual terms of endearment that I was appeased... not totally, though... just a bit. So it was reiterated, we’d meet at 3:00 in the afternoon.

He did say he might be late because of the rains, but I didn’t mind. Waiting for him would be my least karma. And besides, he made it worth the wait. When he texted that he was a few minutes away, I walked towards our meeting place. And then I saw him. That sweet smile on his face gave me my sigh of relief. And the tight hug and the kiss on the cheek? Icing on the cake. We had officially kissed and made up.

After buying tickets, running errands, window shopping, and with still more than an hour to spare before the movie was to start, we decided to grab some refreshments. Seated across each other sipping some iced tea, we got to catching up. It was, literally, everything under the sun. Everything from family, friends, exes, and yeah, Papi knows I’m HIV-positive – remember, though he’s not poz, we met at the RITM – so we were free to talk about that too.

With our simple outfits and simple semikal haircuts, you’d think we were just two simple guys spending a simple afternoon together. But with the interspersion of kisses on the cheek, intertwined fingers, and hands wrapped around the other’s waist, you’d sense something fishy was going on. Yeah, yeah, we were a pair of PDA dudes. I like a guy who is carefree enough to handle public displays of affection. Sort of makes me think, hmm, this guy’s not ashamed to be seen with me... and vice versa.

When movie time came, things seemed to be taking a turn for the worst. We walked into the theater to find it almost packed, with whatever vacant seats being apart from each other. So we agreed we’d rather stand at the back than sit apart from each other. We were both really fine with it. Being able to hold hands, give little smacks on the cheek and be wrapped in each other’s arms made up for the convenient inconvenience. So, not surprisingly, we still enjoyed the movie just standing the whole time. Was it more because KimmyDora was really a great movie, or was it because of the company? Hmm.

After the movie and a buffet’s worth of dinner, Papi had to wait for a friend of his with whom he was to grab a ride home. Walking around, we found ourselves amidst already closed shops and darkened corridors of the mall. With over an hour to spare and feeling the blood rushing from our brains to our tummies, we settled down in one of the sofas along the hallway, just relaxed and continued talking.

The night was certainly winding down, but my senses livened when he leaned in to kiss me full on the lips. It felt good. Wait, was I dreaming? Did we just have our first kiss? I considered asking the guy seated across us what just happened, but decided against it. I was still trying to analyze it all when he leaned in for another kiss. Deeper, longer, sweeter. It felt damned good. Yep, now that was surely a kiss.

I know I was turned on at that point, but of course, I can only speak for myself. Not to worry, I lived up to our not-a-sex-date agreement. Whew. All I know is I had my head in the clouds the rest of the way home... and I wasn’t even on ARVs yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I missed drinking my meds on time. At least I’m sure it wasn’t just an ARV-high. It was the kiss. It was the kiss.

So there. A lot of firsts. A first LQ. A first date. A first kiss. A whole lot of firsts... and then some. Papi, Papi, Papi. Now, can you really blame me if I fall in love with this guy?


Herbs D. said...

sweeet <3

MrCens said...

im happy for you!

from a heartbreaking to "kilig" moments post...

john stanley said...

in love? che!

hehehe, happy for you, james.

kelan mo papakilala si papi?

The Green Man said...

Hi BITCH: Is Papi The guy who I think he is? Whoa! so totoo na pala ito?

Good luck with you guys. If we are talking of the same guy... KUDOS to the two of you... I never saw Papi drool over you and talked about you so dearly, until we met at the "Lounge" (all the while I thought he's abroad).

I hope I am talking of the right person, otherwise you can shoot me. LOL.

Ako Ninong sa kasal ha?

YanaH said...

kilig moments
goodluck with you two..
hmm i hope i get to meet him during the event..
(feelign close! hahaha)

Anonymous said...

heynakow! mamatay na ang mga insecure at inggit. *roll eyes*

LOL =)


MkSurf8 said...

shet kinilig ako! so happy for you and papi =)

BadPapiNYC said...


Anonymous said...


sana ...

haaaayz ...

Ming Meows said...

this is so heavenly!

Angelo said...

sweeeet! :)

BadPapiNYC said...

Hey Bebe... bahave while I'm away, okay? see you when I get back. mwah mwah

PinoyPoz said...

Yes bossing Papi... :-D

Yj said...

ang dami sigurong napapatumbling sa mga eksena niyo sa mall... hahahahaha


xtian1978ii said...

sweet naman. kilig moments